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Contents

[edit] Jonathan Gleich

Greetings, I have re-publish this article, and would appreciate opinions, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Gleich


Thanks for any help, Lscappel (talk) 23:37, 5 October 2009 (UTC)

Greetings, I have opened the re-published article, but found it very difficult to grasp the main topic of the article. Provide more reliable sources to this article and it will help the reader understand the main points of the article.

Patricia —Preceding unsigned comment added by Pati2ksu (talk • contribs) 21:52, 14 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Mikhail Shufutinsky

I know a little about this singer Mikhail Shufutinsky - probably the most popular artist in the Russian chanson style - but I'm by no means well-placed to write an authoritative article.

Thought it would be useful to get one started and allow experts to amend.

[edit] en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hearted_Hero

Hello, and thanks for taking the time to read this and help with editing. This is about a band I first saw on Vans Warped Tour, and having been following since. They have had great success including major radio play across the US, so I thought a little write up would be a good idea. Let me know your thoughts, thanksWikipedia Link

Band Myspace Major Radio Station Link

[edit] User:Thelema12/Dennis Van Roekel

I am working on a stub for an article about the President of the National Education Association, Dennis Van Roekel , and would appreciate any feedback. Thanks!--Thelema12 (talk) 19:29, 9 October 2009 (UTC)

Claims to this person's notability seem grounded, but your article also cites non-reliable sources, such as the Huffington Post and blogs. Also, to prevent a phenomenon known as linkrot, please use citation templates when citing webpages, or if this is not possible, at least give a short summary of the nature of the webpage. Intelligentsiumreview 21:23, 10 October 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the tips. I've taken out the blog links, and put in New York Times articles and NEA press releases. Do I have enough info in the refs? Where do I get reference templates? Thanks!--Thelema12 (talk) 14:54, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge.

Please review my piece on Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge.

Here are some projects, Bob worked on or was featured.

Commercials Diet Mountain Dew Discovery Channel Promotion Aero Sport - Australia & Japan Dew & Diet Mountain Dew Route66 British Knights Extreme Sports BBDO Mountain Dew Ad Spot ESPN promo for 1997 X Games Going To Extremes - Subaru Jack In the Box Air Force

Film & Video 48 Hrs ABC 1995 – 2001 X-Games ESPN Extreme 101 (profiles) Wave Entertainment Extreme 101 documentary PM Magazine USA Today Discovery Channel - The Adventurers Sports center (ESPN) Prime Ticket Sports - Press Box MTV Sports Stuntmasters Belgian Television FNN Sport News L.A. TV Stations 2,4,7,5 & 9 Channel 17, San Diego CA Channel 56, Orange County CA French TV-1 ll Ne Faut Pas Rever Inside Edition Japan Network News - Video Voice 99 Guinness Prime Time Red Bull record attempt (81.28mph) HD Theater Discovery (The Secret Club Of Speed) News print, Magazines & Publications Sports Illustrated1995 Center Fold People (European Edition) Poweredge Center Fold View (U.S.) Transworld (International) Valley Magazine (L.A.) VSD (France) No Way (France) Outside/Outsiders Esquire Gentlemans¹ Quarterly/GQ Star Thrasher - Cover Photo Allsport Worldwide The London Face Zoot Capri - Cover Photo Popular Mechanics -1996 Center fold Playboy Books and Guides Street Luge Racing published by Capstone Press Street Luge Regulation Guide Street Luge sports cards memorabilia Print USA Today 3 articles L.A. Times (national wire feature) Christian Science Monitor 3 articles Ventura, CA Chronicle Daily News (L.A.) - 5 articles Acorn (LA) Providence Daily Journal cover Asahi Shim bun - Tokyo cover Narragansett RI Gazet

My name is Karen Wondra Grisham, (e-mail removed). October 11, 2009. Streetlugehome (talk) 16:39, 11 October 2009 (UTC)

Your article Bob Pereyra, The Godfather of Street Luge needs quite a bit of work before it can be an acceptable Wikipedia article. Here is some feedback:
  • Title - the title of the article should just be "Bob Pereya" - see our policy on naming conventions.
  • Style - is much too promotional; needs to be more encyclopedic - see our style guide.
  • Notability - the notability of the subject needs to be established by showing that he has been written about in independent reliable sources - see our notability guideline.
  • References - the quotes and facts given all need to be refernced back to reliable sources - see our verifiability policy
I suggest you look at some other biographies in Wikipedia, and try to copy their style and structure. Gandalf61 (talk) 17:25, 11 October 2009 (UTC)
The article has now been deleted by User:Orangemike under speedy deletion criteria G11 - unambiguous advertising or promotion. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:11, 12 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Boyd's Marriage Index

Boyd's Marriage Index Eddaido (talk) 06:42, 12 October 2009 (UTC)

This article does not conform to WP:MOS. Please read the relevant pages. Intelligentsiumreview 01:47, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] The Tribe

I hope this is the right place for my request. I've been working on The Tribe article for some time now but I don't edit very regularly. I've tried to make the article as clean as possible and to include citations, references and images. Other contributors have added sections about fan productions and a cast reunion. Is this relevant to the article? I would greatly appreciate any input from other contributors/editors that could assist in improving the article as it now stands. Thank you very much. ErisDysnomia (talk) 16:09, 12 October 2009 (UTC)

The article is currently rated B-class, which means it's a pretty good article. User:Orangemike has beaten me to removing the CRUFTy sections, but overall, I don't see any obvious issues that need to be addressed. One thing, I would do, however, is add more third-party sources, independent of the subject. There are already some, but many sources are from the Official Website, which is accepted in articles about TV series, but generally not in other types. Thank you for trying to help out; if you need anything, let me know, or ask a question. Cheers, Intelligentsiumreview 01:42, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Dog Reproduction

sup, I think it would improve this Internet homepage if there was an article and not a redirect at the article Dog Reproduction. I think it should be a disharmonious homepage because they are several different things that can be meant by dog Reproduction, but now it redirects to Canine reproduction. An editor thought it would not be a good idea to make it that way and that to make it good should be asked on the homepage for canine reproduction but no one has since replied to the talk page on Canine reproduction. I think my idea is a good idea, what do you think? Could you comment in on that please. Peter Napkin Dance Party (talk) 04:03, 13 October 2009 (UTC) Thanks

This page is for comments on "This page is intended to provide comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have created or substantially changed" so this may not be the best venue. I have commented on the talk page, though.Cptnono (talk) 04:51, 13 October 2009 (UTC)
Thanks Cptnono. I searched a few of the other pages and this seemed to be the one that fit the best. It didn't look like there was much discussion on the canine reproduction talk page. Could you, or anyone else, point me to a better forum for future reference? Peter Napkin Dance Party (talk) 19:44, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] St.Christopher's School Bahrain a British-Style School

Hi can you please feedback me on my article : St.Christopher's School Bahrain a British-Style School . Thanks, The arabic if possible too —Preceding unsigned comment added by RayanB (talk • contribs) 15:23, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

Your article St Christopher's School Bahrain requires a lot of work before it is suitable for Wikipedia. I have made some edits to bring its layout in line with Wikipedia's standards. I have also fixed some grammatical errors and removed some text that was too promotional and made the article sounds like an advertisement. I have also removed the Arabic text - if you want to write an article in Arabic then it belongs in the appropriate language Wikipedia. The most important improvements that are still needed in this article are (a) it needs references to reliable sources to validate the facts that are stated in the article and (b) it needs references to independent third-party sources to show that its subject is notable. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:46, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Jacqui1311/Douglas Sannachan

Douglas Sannachan can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jacqui1311/Douglas_Sannachan

I would be very grateful to get feedback on a new page on a Scottish Actor Douglas Sannachan to see if it would be acceptable as a Wikipedia entry.

Mnay thanks for your time.

Jacqui1311 (talk) 21:38, 13 October 2009 (UTC)

It's a good start. To get the article ready to be released into Wikipedia article space, you need to do a few things:
Take a look at our article on Alex Norton for a good example that you could follow. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:11, 14 October 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your comments Gandalf61. I've managed to do all of that. Cheers —Preceding unsigned comment added by Jacqui1311 (talk • contribs) 19:41, 14 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Farside (band)

This page was deleted via WP:PROD for failing the notability requirements. I've tried to fix it at User:Peachlette/Farside (band), but would like a second opinion before re-introducing the article. peachlette (talk) 00:17, 14 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Wridgways

Wridgways

Please let me know if you think this article will be acceptable. This historical information has never been published before now, so there is no published reference to cite, however it is important to the company (Wridgways) that some record of its history is recorded.


124.148.187.229 (talk) 03:26, 14 October 2009 (UTC)

Some feedback on your draft article:
  • Contents - the article focuses almost entirely on the history of the company, ending in 1999. It would make for a more balanced artcile if you shortened the history section and added more about the company's current size, business activities, locations etc.
  • Sources - Wikipedia requires that information in its articles can be verified from reliable sources. I am afraid that unpublished company archives do not count as a reliable source in Wikipedia's terms.
  • Notability - the article needs to establish the notability of its subject. To do this, it needs to show that the company has received significant coverage in independent, third party sources - see the guideline at Wikipedia:Notability (organizations and companies). References to newspaper or trade journal articles about the company would help here.
  • Conflict of Interest - if you are employed by or connected with the company, then you should read our conflict of interest guideline.
If you want to create a history of the company based mainly on its internal archives, then Wikipedia is probably not the right place to do this. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:43, 14 October 2009 (UTC)


Thanks. I have added more about the company and will search further for articles that I can reference.--124.148.187.229 (talk) 23:48, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Bristol Pitbulls

Hello,

I recently constructed a new article for a recently formed English Professional Ice Hockey Team, the Bristol Pitbulls, located at the following wiki link

[Bristol Pitbulls]

Essentially, since it was moved to the live Wiki page, it is still showing as a new unreviewed article, and I could really use some assistance in getting this page 100% live.

I cannot see where people have the option to review the article?

If anybody can help me out, it would be most appreciated.

Jimmy Eyre Jimmy Villa (talk) 12:00, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

I have removed the {{new unreviewed article}} tag, but I have added a {{notability}} tag because I think the article at the moment fails to establish its subject's notability - see our notability guideline. I have also rewritten most of the article to remove the "sports journalism" style of writing. Wikipedia is an encycliopedia, so phrases like "plough their trade", "proving just how far they had come", "what a start" etc. are not appropriate in our articles. Gandalf61 (talk) 13:21, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Burning Condors

User:Passenger69/BurningCondors —Preceding unsigned comment added by Passenger69 (talk • contribs) 15:01, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

I would be very grateful to get feedback on a new page on British band Burning Condors to see if it would be acceptable as a Wikipedia entry.

Thanks for your help Passenger69 (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 16:34, 15 October 2009 (UTC).

[edit] Article Name: Bernard Belle

Article Name: Bernard Belle Bernard Belle

Dear All,

I have read many help articles within WIKIPEDIA but am getting nowhere finishing my article on Composer, Bernard Belle. Can someone assist me?

1. I am done entering most of the facts, discography, etc. 2. Some of the songs credited to Mr. Belle appear as "page not found"--How do I correct this?

Any help you can offer me would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Blairsmom (talk) 18:58, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

User:Blairsmom/Bernard Belle looks like a great start, and four grammies should be ample evidence that the subject is notable. I would make minor changes such as splitting it into a lead and named sections, and make his colleagues' names into links, but that's advice on Wikipedia's style rather than any fault in the article itself. Why not remove the {{NOINDEX}} and {{underconstruction}} tags and move it to the main article space where everyone can improve it? To make it easier to find, you can edit some of the articles mentioned in Special:Search/Bernard Belle to link to your article, and copy appropriate [[Category:whatever]] links from a similar article like Teddy Riley (producer).
"Page not found" simply means that no one has created an article about that subject yet. It's a normal feature and not an error. If the song is notable enough to merit a whole article to itself, then leave the redlink in place: it will automatically turn blue when someone (perhaps you) writes that article. If it's not notable then just take the double square brackets off (or replace by double apostrophes for italics) and leave the title as normal black text. Certes (talk) 10:08, 16 October 2009 (UTC)
The page is now in article space and other editors have contributed. I've added a few further suggestions on its talk page Talk:Bernard Belle. Certes (talk) 12:37, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] cross-sell

I am simply looking for feedback regarding an article I am working to post Cross-Sell

--Cross-Sell (talk) 20:25, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

The COI is obvious; this username has been blocked. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:08, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

See also Cross-Sell below. Certes (talk) 21:44, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Neamat Imam, Bengali Poet

I have just posted the above articile to Wiki, my first. Just baffled by too many information about how to post. [article URL: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neamat_Imam,_Bengali_Poet] Wanted to add the website of the poet www.neamatimam.com in the body of the article, but failed. And also don't know if the article will appear whens searched with Wiki search tool. Hasib —Preceding unsigned comment added by Intertext (talk • contribs) 21:33, 15 October 2009 (UTC)

The article was deleted by User:David Fuchs under speedy deletion criteria A7 - "An article about a real person ... that does not indicate why its subject is important or significant". Gandalf61 (talk) 08:31, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Clarinda

Hello. I'm looking for feedback about my first Wikipedia article: [Clarinda]

It's about the anonymous Peruvian poet who is famous for the poem "Discourse in Praise of Poetry". She may also be Peru's first female poet. I'm happy to consider any revisions you find necessary before I move it off of my user page.

Thank you in advance for your help! elDustado 02:15, 16 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eldustado (talk • contribs)

I think the article is fine - well written and laid out, plenty of sources, establishes notability - and it is ready to be moved into main article space. One small point - as the article includes a sample of poetry in Spanish, it would be good to also have an English translation of this passage. Congratulations on an excellent first article. Gandalf61 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
Thank you! The poem hasn't been translated into English by any professional writers -- Is it acceptable for me to translate it myself? elDustado 17:31, 17 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Eldustado (talk • contribs)
Good question. The problem with adding your own translation is that it could be challenged as "original research". However, our policy on original research says "Where English translations of non-English material are unavailable, Wikipedia editors may supply their own. If such translations are challenged, editors should cooperate in producing one they can agree on". So, yes, you can add your own translation, but other editors may change it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:33, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Polyoxyethyleneamine or Polyethoxylated tallow amine (POEA)

I don't have the time to do this, but the above chemical is an "inert" ingredient in Roundup that is extremely toxic. This topic is currently a stub and badly needs to be written up. A quick perusal of pubmed shows very recent, very important new toxicity data on POEA.

The "active" ingredient in Roundup, glyphosate, is relatively nontoxic. However, the "inert" ingredient POEA is proving to be extremely toxic. The public needs to be made aware of this.

In addition, I haven't looked at "inert ingredients" on Wikipedia, but if it isn't made clear that "inert" when its on the label of chemical products such as Roundup and dishwashing detergent doesn't mean that it does nothing, and that so-called "inert" ingredients can be more toxic than "active ingredients", this needs to be done urgently. It's important that the public become aware of this ruse. Nocow (talk) 16:52, 16 October 2009 (UTC)

I think you are in the wrong place. This page is for requests for feedback about articles that an editor has created or substantially changed. Your comments should be made at the POEA article talk page at Talk:Polyethoxylated tallow amine or at Talk:Roundup. The Roundup article says "Another important ingredient of Roundup is the surfactant POEA (Polyethoxylated tallow amine), known for its toxicity in wildlife, it increases herbicide penetration in plant cells". Gandalf61 (talk) 07:05, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Helper Man

helper manTvfan17 (talk) 01:46, 17 October 2009 (UTC)Grant Gabel 15/10/09

If you are asking for feedback on an article, please post a link to the article page. I can't find an article called "Helper Man" in either main article space or in your user space. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:45, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Más. Nelly Furtado Song

Más (2009)

hello guys. I need help with this posting. i haven't yet found information for this.


Jgabino000

There are two draft articles in your user space : User:Jgabino000/Más and User:Jgabino000/Mas (Nelly Furtado Song). Both are one line articles, and so are nowhere near ready for release into main article space. As an example of what you should be aiming at in article on a released single, take a look at Manos al Aire or Give It to Me (Timbaland song). If you cannot find enough information about the single to make a substantial article, then it is probably not notable enough for inclusion in Wikipedia. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:57, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] List of jazz biographies

I am compiling a list of jazz biographies at User:Chitownjazz/List of jazz biographies.

Is this considered an appropriate article? If so, what should the citations be?

Any other feedback?

Also, I can't figure out how to make this entry "signed".

Thanks, --Chitownjazz (talk) 20:54, 17 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chitownjazz (talk • contribs) 14:43, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

To sign a message, just type --~~~~ at the end of your message. I may be wrong, but I don't think a List of jazz biographies is an appropriate article. I believe this falls under WP:NOTDIRECTORY, which is that Wikipedia is not a directory of loosely associated topics. There are so many biographies published, that the page really will just grow infinitely since biographies will continually be published. Also, many of the biographies are not notable, and so probably shouldn't be included on the list. I think creating articles for the biographies (provided they are notable), and then using a category would be the best course of action. But I would also wait for another user to weigh in before abandoning the effort. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:42, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Rohini Village(West Bengal)

I have discussed about Rohini Village...Please comment on this and rate it...any improvements should be accepted if correct.Please visit the following link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rohini_Village(West_Bengal) thank you Soumitrajana (talk) 16:03, 17 October 2009 (UTC)Soumitra Kr Jana 17/10/2009

Hello and welcome to Wikipedia! If you haven't already, please take a look at the WP:Introduction page as it discusses writing new articles, and also the links at the top of this page. Looking at the page you've made, a few things hit me immediately: you don't need a header for introduction (lede) section; be careful not to put spaces before the bullet points (*) or it will show up as pre-formatted text in the funny looking box. The article delves right into the gritty details of the subject, first thing I want to know when reading the article is what is Rohini Village? An example first line for the article would be "Rohini is a village in the eastern Indian state of West Bengal". Phrases like "Gram-panchayet" and "Sankrail block Paschim Medinipur" don't mean anything to me, probably because I don't know much about India. But you want the article to be generally useful, or useful to people who know nothing about India, or perhaps only that India is a country somewhere in Asia. The other thing I notice is that you have no references. If I may refer you to our excellent page on wp:verifiability, and it's counterpart, the reliable sources page, I think you should be on your way to finding excellent references for the village. The article has a lot of Wikipedia Manual of Style problems, but those are all minor things which can be combed through later. The article seems to be off to an okay start, and I hope you continue editing to make it even better. Again, welcome. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:32, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] PS22 chorus

This is my very first article and it has been tagged for cleanup because apparently it is (was?) reminiscent of an essay rather than an encyclopedic article.

I have deleted the suspected sentences now. What do I have to do to get rid of the "unreviewed" and "cleanup" banner?

Zendrig (talk) 17:36, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

First, welcome to Wikipedia! If you haven't already, take a look at the WP:Introduction page as it has lots of great help for creating your first article. While the cleanup banner can be removed by anyone, I would recommend leaving both up until another user comes through and gives the article a good once over to make sure it's up to par. A lot of users, well, over-tag articles with big ugly banners at the top which often stay on the articles for a long time. If the article doesn't require general cleanup, then it at least has prose problems or missing sources or one of an innumerable number of other cookie-cutter problem tags on it. Don't be discouraged by the tags, just make sure you are trying to address the problems they point out and continue improving the articles.
That being said, looking over the article it does indeed need some cleanup. Trivia sections are generally discouraged, so I'd recommend moving the information it contains into regular prose instead of a bullet list. Having block quotes from media sources is also generally a bad idea since it comes across as advertising. I usually leave block quote for use only on pages about dead people or historic things, just to be safe. The choice of section titles feels awkward, and like an advertisement. Perhaps a Chorus section, and just put the information about the director in the Chorus section, and also perhaps change "The Music" section to just "Music". The Celebrity following" section would also be better as a prose section, and feel less like a marketing gimmick. Please consider these as only recommendations, you don't need to follow each one to a tee. And again, welcome to Wikipedia. --Odie5533 (talk) 17:57, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
Thanks! I restructured the whole article now and tried to incorporate all of your advices in the updated version. Zendrig (talk) 23:50, 17 October 2009 (UTC)
Could somebody please check out the article again and see whether the banners could now be removed? 77.21.86.60 (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 11:25, 5 November 2009 (UTC).

[edit] Can i get some help for my new created article: bpled?

Can i get some help for my new created article about the google dark of bpled?

The page gives an error too.. so can you help me?

I'm new with wikipedia :) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Joerijj (talk • contribs) 20:11, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

Hello and welcome to Wikipedia! If you have not already done so, please take a look at WP:Introduction. The Bpled article is being considered for deletion because it does not meet Wikipedia's guidelines for notability. New articles must be created on topics which have received "significant coverage in secondary reliable source." While the them you have created may in fact be useful, Wikipedia is not the place to share the theme or market it. Please see WP:NOT#OR for more information on what Wikipedia is not. And again, welcome to Wikipedia. --Odie5533 (talk) 20:29, 17 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Artticel Request

I've been trying to update information for a group called the Dukes of DaVille. They have several references already linked on Wikipedia and I've noticed that every time we try to create a page it gets deleted. The last time a page was put together was in February of 08. Since then the group has gained much success and press and we would like to added to the wikipedia site now. Please let me know what it is that I have to do to update this information. dclark@imagemakersmedia.com —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mrdarnelclark (talk • contribs) 02:03, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

Dukes of DaVille article was deleted because it was very short and had no context to identify what the subject was. First you should head over to WP:Notability and make sure the subject (Dukes of DaVille) is considered notable. Then go to WP:RS and read about what Wikipedia considers reliable sources. Gather up your sources, and create the article at User:Mrdarnelclark/Dukes of DaVille. Then when you are sure it is long enough, click the move button and move the article to Dukes of DaVille. Use this method so that you can build up the article before putting it in the general encyclopedia. If you have any problems let me know. --Odie5533 (talk) 05:12, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Wlad Godzich

Just created this article (moved it from userspace): Wlad Godzich. It's my first (hopefully) solid article published, so very interested in any feedback or contributions.Strom (talk) 04:01, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

I have provided feedback on the talk page of the article. --Odie5533 (talk) 05:28, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Oklahoma Association of Student Councils

Thank you for reviewing my article about the organization that oversees all high school student councils in Oklahoma. [Oklahoma Association of Student Councils] Jdelozier (talk) 04:34, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

The most urgent problem with Oklahoma Association of Student Councils is that it does not demonstrate the notability of the association. To fix this, you need to show that the association is covered in independent, reliable sources. There need to be specific references to these sources - the general external links at the bottom of the article are not sufficiently specific. Read our guideline on notability for more information. The article has been flagged for possible speedy deletion because of this problem, but I have added a {{hangon}} tag that may give you some extra time to make the necessary improvements.
Other less urgent problems are the external links embedded in the article's text - these should be converted into references - and the long list of districts, which adds nothing useful to the article - I would remove it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:52, 18 October 2009 (UTC)
The article has now been moved to your user space, at User:Jdelozier/Oklahoma Association of Student Councils. Gandalf61 (talk) 19:48, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Bank War

I rewrote Bank War some time ago in an attempt to give it more balance and supply more reliable sources. I was hoping people would look it over as time went on, but it appears to be a pretty low traffic article. In any case, any feedback is appreciated. It's possible the article needs to be merged somewhere, but I don't really know how to do that, so any help would be appreciated. Thank you Wikilost (talk) 05:57, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] David I. Shapiro

After the death of David Shapiro, earlier this month, I was appalled to discover he didn't have a Wikipedia Page. David I. Shapiro is entirely my creation, anybody who has suggestions or contributions is very welcome to make them. Right now, the only eyes really on the article are mine, and I could use a second opinion. Wikilost (talk) 06:39, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

The article looks fine to me. I have made some minor copyedits. For more detailed feedback, you could ask at an appropriate Wikiproject, such as WikiProject Law. Gandalf61 (talk) 13:09, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Novalis Engine

Novalis Engine This is my first publication and I would appreciate if someone could review this and give me and pointers on what needs changed/added. Thanks a ton!

Krankzinnig (talk) 00:06, 19 October 2009 (UTC)

What the article needs the most (and something I've tagged it for) is an assertion of notability. The best way to demonstrate the notability of a subject is to provide multiple reliable sources that discuss or review the engine. These would generally be articles in newspapers, magazines, or the more prominent websites. If notability is never demonstrated, the article may be deleted. Someguy1221 (talk) 01:05, 19 October 2009 (UTC)
Okay, I added an outside source that reviewed the engine alongside other engines reviewed. If this isn't enough please let me know but I will be able to add more soon. Krankzinnig (talk) 01:25, 19 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Idiot/idiocy (Athenian democracy)

I was hoping someone would take a look at this entry that I've added to distinguish it from conventional usage with a more nuanced modern view that is resurrecting its etymological origins.

Idiot/Idiocy (Athenian Democracy)

Thank you for your assistance.

Josh Breadncircuses (talk) 21:07, 19 October 2009 (UTC)Breadncircuses

The concept is notable and worthy of an article, but it needs work. I will look at it over the next few days. One important point is the title, it should be something like Idiot (Athenian democracy) to avoid a title containing a "/", so I will move it accordingly. Also, the modern usage stuff can be reduced in size as we already have an article on that. – ukexpat (talk) 21:19, 19 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Cultural Impact of Michael Jackson

This article refers to the cultural impact of Michael Jackson, both positive (influence) and negative, such as parodies. I thought it was important to make this article as his main article is already too long and does not contain enough information. Currently this article exists under my userspace. User:JTBX/Cultural impact of Michael Jackson

Please help me construct it or tell me your opinions. Thanks. JTBX (talk) 00:28, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

At the moment, this draft is much too short to be a separate article. It would be a good idea to talk to the folks at WikiProject Michael Jackson| to see (a) whether they think a separate "Cultural impact" article is necessary and (b) whether anyone is interested in helping you work on it - I see you have already posted a message on their talk page. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:59, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Rufus Bowen

I've written a short biography of Robert "Rufus" Bowen (1947-1978), an important UC Berkeley mathematician. User:Chaslsullivan/Rufus_Bowen This biography is strong on the "biography" and weak on the "math", but I hope that someone who really knows her math will come along and expand the article to describe Bowen's mathematical work in more detail. This is my first article, so please let me know if you see any obvious mistakes that need to be fixed. I really appreciate it. Thanks.Chaslsullivan (talk) 01:34, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

The article looks mostly fine to me - well written, well sourced, good layout. Here are a few suggestions:
  • There are a couple of peacock phrases in the lead paragraph - "internationally known" and "still inspires current research"; unless you can cite specific instances to substantiate these descriptions, I suggest you remove them.
  • Make sure you are conforming to the style guidelines for biographies in the Manual of Style (biographies) - I don't think it is standard to include places of birth/death alongside the subject's dates, for example.
  • You could use the Infobox scientist template to add an infobox - see David Hilbert for an example. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:20, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, Gandalf61. I've changed the areas you have suggested. I've made a few other small modifications and added two sentences about Bowen's political activities. (In the Infobox scientist template I put Bowen's formula to which I've seen several references in papers and books, but I am not competent to explain or elaborate. Should I remove it??)

Any further feedback is still welcome.Chaslsullivan (talk) 19:24, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] John Franklin Botume

I wrote a new article on a relatively important voice pedagogue. User:Pitchperfect/John Franklin Botume I should probably go into more detail about what was so important in his writing, but what do you think so far? It is my first article on wikipedia. Thanks. Pitchperfect (talk)pitchperfect

It's important to review WP:COPYREQ and carry out the steps to properly secure permission, including making sure those giving permission understand they are giving permission for use beyond Wikipedia. Once that is done, the Source section can be removed. While not required, it might be wise to include a mention of the sourcing on the Talk page, so some editor doesn't stumble across the original and flag it as a possible copyvio.
  • The article itself looks good, nice start.
  • Footnote 4 may be problematic, will return with more specifics.
  • Is there any way to provide citations for the work? I realize they may be out of print, but citations are still in order.
  • Please make sure to review the copyright issues noted on your talk page --SPhilbrickT 16:38, 20 October 2009 (UTC)
Following up on footnote 4 (Additional biographical information obtained through personal correspondence with J. F. Botume’s great great niece Martha Winters) —your diligence, while laudable, is regrettably not appropriate for an encyclopedia. See see WP:OR generally, and WP:PRIMARY specifically. --SPhilbrickT 16:48, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

What is a vested choir? I'm guessing that the church had 4 regular soloists and that they comprise the soloist quartet. A picky point. "He was never married and had no children." would be my choice - "He neither married nor had children." is correct but doesn't read well. Interesting article summing up the musical life of someone compelled do do what he loved.Canuck100 (talk) 09:33, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Dorian Holley

I am seeking feedback on the article Dorian Holley. This is a short biography on the Vocal Director for Michael Jackson's "This is It" tour.

Thank you for your time.

Brownsugarnay (talk) 08:49, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

The article needs to establish its subject's notability by including references to independent, reliable sources. It also needs more sources for general verification of biographical information and body of work. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:55, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] 209 A Story

Hello all,

I am new to creating article on Wikipedia and I'd be grateful for any assistance.

Please check my article 209 A Story and either directly improve the article or assist with its online appearance.

JoeGroves 20 October, 2009 —Preceding unsigned comment added by JoeGroves (talk • contribs) 10:31, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

The layout doesn't conform to the requirements for Wikipedia. See WP:LAYOUT. You might find it help to pick another notable novel, find it here and use that as a model. To avoid picking a model that isn't a good model, you might check out Wikipedia:Ga#Arts and scroll down to section 5.4 to see books that have reached the level of Good Article.--SPhilbrickT 16:58, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] SATURN (Simulation and Assignment of Traffic to Urban Road Networks)

Hi everyone,

I've written an article and SATURN - a peice of software for traffic simulation/modelling. This is a notable piece of software in the industry. Thus far I have kept the article short and, I hope, concise. I'd welcome feedback before letting the article go live. the page can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mg169706/SATURN.

Ben

--Mg169706 (talk) 13:55, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

Style and layout are fairly good, but before this draft is ready for release into main article space it needs to demonstrate the notability of the software. This can be done by including references that show that the software has been covered in independent reliable sources. See our notability guideline for more information. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:24, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] James Guilford (writer)

I am requesting feedback for my article James Guilford (writer). I am having a technical problem: I want to change the title to James Guilford (deleting the writer part). Also, how do you get my article reviewed?

Thanks for your time.

Badspllr (talk) 23:56, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

The article has been reviewed and deleted, as there was no indication the subject was in any way notable or suitable as the subject of an encyclopedia article. (I will also not that the subject, or a person claiming to be the subject, has also apparently been involved in the making of this article, a clear-cut conflict of interest; but that's not why the article was deleted.) --Orange Mike | Talk 02:10, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] question

Hi.

Im an admin on the dispute infested Persian wikipedia. There are only 6 admins. Our laws are basically copies of EN WP. I need advice from you. My question:

An admin gets involved in a content dispute in an article with some users (7 or 8 other involved editors I reckon). Some r against him, some side with him. Anyway, after a while, he leaves the dispute and quits editing the article entirely, and the fight of course continues and the article is heavily edited every day one way or the other. A month later, the fight heats up again between the same parties. Edit wars break out. The admin (who has not been involved for a month now) jumps in and (citing disruptive behaviour and edit warring) blocks the main responsible user for 24hrs. It turns out this blocked user was the same person the admin was involved with in their intense dispute a month ago. Now some ppl are crying foul, and claiming that since the admin was involved a month ago, and has therefore conflict of interest, he was hence not justified in blocking the user, whether he was right or not.

Do u guys agree? Is a month enough time to not be considered involved? When does one become de-involved? A month after you leave the article? A year after? Was this admin justified in blocking the edit warring user?

I'll read your input. As always, I'm grateful to the wealth of advice u give me.--Zereshk (talk) 21:22, 20 October 2009 (UTC)

I think you are in the wrong place. This page is for editors requesting feedback on articles that they have written or contributed to. I see you have posted the same question on several other more relevant noticeboards including WP:AN. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:47, 21 October 2009 (UTC)
I didnt get the feedback I was expecting there. As usual, it seems we're on our own. But thanks any. I tried.--Zereshk (talk) 17:50, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Edith (Coutts) O'Shaugnessy

With very little biographical information available, I dumped what I had into an article on the now forgotten U.S. journalist, travel writer and early Hollywood screenwriter.

She is probably better known in Mexico than in the U.S. today, mostly because she wrote (and wrote very well) about the Revolution of 1910-20... from the "wrong side" -- the losing one anyway -- being a defender of aristocracy, elitism and the rich. My interest and expertise is Mexican history, so revisions by those with background in feminist literature, travel writing, film history, etc. would be helpful.

And, yes, I know there are all kinds of annoying grammatical errors. I cut and pasted from myself, and then did a quick-n-dirty edit just to get something up a woman who, for all her reactionary ideas, was ahead of her time as a married woman with her own career, as well as a "helpmate" to a politically important spouse. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Richmx2 (talk • contribs) 06:52, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

The article looks okay to me. I have made some minor edits to it. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:04, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Paul_West(sci-fi author)

User:Colemanchris/Paul_West(sci-fi author)

Just wrote my first article.

It's on Paul West the sci-fi author, whose debut novel was published a couple months ago.

Since this is my first article ever, please give your feedback on whether you feel the article will be accepted.

Colemanchris (talk) 10:29, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

I moved it to User:Colemanchris/Paul West (science fiction author); don't use a pejorative in an article title. This is a non-notable writer, author of a non-notable book (apparently self-published?), and with no reliable sources. We're talking about a perfect candidate for speedy deletion under A7, unless there is something you haven't put into the article to change that. --Orange Mike | Talk 14:41, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Sacred Heart Church Battersea

I request feedback on this article: "Sacred Heart Church Battersea"

[Sacred Heart Church Battersea]

I've based the layout on this page: [Sacred Heart Church Wimbledon]


Rwickham (talk) 16:25, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

I have made some minro edits to improve the layout of the article. I think it needs more references to establish the notability of the church. Then it will be ready to be moved to main article space. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:22, 22 October 2009 (UTC)
Thank you. The page has been updated with additional information and references. Your feedback would be appreciated once again. Rwickham (talk) 14:40, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Help with Self-Sealing Fastener Entry

Gentlemen & Ladies,

Thanks for leaving up "Self-Sealing Fastener" entry long enough to give those interested time to help properly edit following Wiki Protocols. There is no question the entry author will need some tutoring to make it truely enclopedic and not self-serving fluff, etc... The Fredonia Group >ref< in Oct '08 predicted the high tech fastener industry to grow to $60 Billion by 2012. There is a sea change happening in the industry as fasteners try to catch up with applications. The direct all-encompasing knowledge base in very slim. Important fastener decisions around the country are being made with scant background. I hope what I said wasn't self-serving... I work for Sealtight Technology. LarryJB (talk) 19:35, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Manage the view, manage your success

Manage the view, manage your success

This is the first time I placed an article and would like feedback. Since I just created a log on today, it won't let me move it from a draft to live. How can I do this?

Thank you for your time and help. Mary Williams October 21, 2009 Mary K. Williams (talk) 19:47, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

Your draft article is at User:Mary K. Williams/new article name here.
I am afraid as it currently stands it is not an encyclopedic article - it is not really clear what it is, it reads like an advertisement for something which would be a violation of WP:SPAM or it could be an article about some business concept, in which case it needs to be written in an encyclopedic manner with reliable sources to support notability. – ukexpat (talk) 20:11, 21 October 2009 (UTC)
It was also a copyright violation of this! and deleted as such. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:20, 21 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Grey Gardens Syndrome

I am just starting. So far I wrote on article "Grey Gardens Syndrome" about a psychological scenario, an odd mother-daughter bond, which was exemplified in the documentary and film "Grey Gardens". —Preceding unsigned comment added by Carlos4179 (talk • contribs) 01:52, 22 October 2009 (UTC)

I am not sure that your article Grey Gardens Syndrome is encyclopedic. It reads more like an essay or personal reflection than an encyclopedia article. Did you invent the term "Grey Gardens Syndrome" yourself ? Unless the term is in general use (and this can be demonstrated by reference to reliable sources) then it is not suitable for inclusion in Wikipedia, and your article is likely to be deleted. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:52, 22 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Ujjwal Nikam

Ujjwal Nikam User:Mtbhoite/Ujjwal Nikam


I have created this Wikipedia article on special public prosecutor Ujjwal Nikam. Please read the article and provide me feedback.

Mtbhoite (talk) 07:07, 22 October 2009 (UTC)

I have made some copyedits to improve the grammar and style of the draft article. You need to provide sources for the biographical and career facts in the artice. Each source should be linked to the relevant sentence in the article using an in-line citation. For help on how to format in-line citations, see Wikipedia:Citing sources. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:16, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Galen Institute

This page was cited for neutrality issues - I tried to clean it up and make the language more objective, and I've added a bunch of external sources, but any additional advice/help would be appreciated. —Preceding unsigned comment added by FreeMarketHealthcare (talk • contribs) 14:39, 22 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Carbon burning process

I've added a lot of new material to this existing article. This was partly motivated by the article having warnings, which have now been removed, and partly by my wish to understand the process better myself. The article is about the nuclear process of fusing carbon nuclei with themselves to form heavier elements, such as sodium, neon and magnesium, which occurs in stars of at least 4 solar masses. This process seems inextricably bound up with stellar evolution so I added a section about that, concentrating on the mass range of stars relevant to carbon fusion. Also, my searches turned up material about the s-process and neutrino losses. I have references to the material I added. I still don't have a suitable reference to the temperature and density figures which headed the article before I added to it. I would also like feedback on the neutrino losses section. I'm unsure how to relate this to the carbon fusion energy generation and cooling of the core by neutrino emission. Thanks.Puzl bustr (talk) 18:28, 22 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Michael Goldfarb (author and journalist)

Michael Goldfarb (author and journalist)

This is the first entry I've created and would be grateful for any feedback on the article.

Also there is an issue of disambiguation - there is another Michael Goldfarb in Wikipedia and I am not sure what the correct disambiguation procedure would be (I have read the wiki page on disambiguation). At the moment, if searching on Wikipedia and one types in Michael Goldfarb, there is only the one entry.

Thank you!

Chris (Chriscortona (talk) 12:41, 23 October 2009 (UTC))

I have made some minor edits to the article. The biographical and career facts in the article should be linked to specific references using in-line citations - see Wikipedia:Citing sources. I have placed a "hatnote" on the other Michael Goldfarb article to provide disambiguation. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:37, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Nathalie_Pownall

hello there I have written an article about the above actress Nathalie Pownall but don't know how to post it live or how to link it to the other links where she is referenced? Can you help?

Flyonthewall48 (talk) 14:04, 23 October 2009 (UTC)flyonthewall48 13:46, 23 October 2009 (GMT)

I have cleaned up the draft a little and moved it from your user space to Nathalie Pownall. As for linking to it in other articles, just use the [[Nathalie Pownall]] formatting. – ukexpat (talk) 15:20, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Request for Feedback on New Article (Military Unit)

Good Afternoon,

Myself and another Officer of this unit have created a new article and are looking to get some feedback on how to improve our product. Ours is actually a better page than our headquarters, but in order to stay ahead of the game we're looking for any ideas that can keep us ahead of the game.

Thanks!

-1LT Collin A. Smith, 13th CSSB, Fort Benning, GA

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/13th_Combat_Sustainment_Support_Battalion_(United_States) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Casmith07 (talk • contribs) 17:50, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

It looks great through the Task Organisation section, I am not sure whether the sections on the Commanders are appropriate. Might be a good idea to seek assistance from The Military History Project. – ukexpat (talk) 19:06, 23 October 2009 (UTC)
I also deleted the Credits section as it's not appropriate for the article page (the edit history shows who created the article) and the External links section as it was empty. – ukexpat (talk) 19:13, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Brett Favres page

Do you think you could change Bretts Jet picture to a Viking picture now that he plays for the Vikings team. It would be very appreciated.

Thank you —Preceding unsigned comment added by 69.163.18.214 (talk) 22:09, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

Hi! This page is meant for people to request feedback for articles they have recently submitted or worked on, so it might not be the best forum for this topic. However, I took a quick look on Wikimedia Commons for any pictures of Brett with the Vikings, and I couldn't see any. I also looked on Flickr for a freely licensed image (which is what Wikimedia uses for images of living people), and I also didn't see any there. If you happen to have one, and would like to submit it with a free license, feel free to post on my talk page and I can lead you through the steps. :-) Killiondude (talk) 22:49, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Feedback on New Article

Hi, I'm Disneyfolly2 and I wrote my first article which is "The Princess and the Frog: Original Soundtrack". It will very helpful if somebody review the article and help improve it. I also want to ask if somebody could upload a picture to the article. ThanksDisneyfolly2 (talk) 17:14, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

You may wish to consider merging this article into The Princess and the Frog. Unless a soundtrack is particularly notable, it usually stays with its associated film. Intelligentsiumreview 01:35, 25 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Slide to Play

User:Gsadamb/Slide to Play - The article is about a large commercial editorial website. Though it's still in my userspace, I'd consider this article nearly complete, and I'd appreciate feedback if possible.

Thanks!

Gsadamb (talk) 19:18, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Elitobell

Hello User

I just write something about elitobell, below is the link, please check this out.

Elitobell

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Elitobell/Elitobell

--Elitobell (talk) 19:59, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

Your draft article reads like an advertisement and is not encyclopedic. You need to read our neutral point of view and our conflict of interest policies. Gandalf61 (talk) 20:24, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] George Rector

Hi,

I'm working on an article on George Rector, a cookbook writer and radio personality from the 1930's.

George Rector

User:Superimposed Face/George Rector

It is still on my user page, but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions.

Thanks!

Superimposed Face (talk) 23:35, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

Firstly, you are to be commended for starting the article in your userspace, rather than the mainspace. Most new users would have started it in the article space, when they are too inexperienced to write an article conforming to the MOS. From a quick glance at the page, my suggestion is, take a quick look at the linked page, and turn some of the external links to references. Intelligentsiumreview 01:23, 25 October 2009 (UTC)
I have cleaned it up a little more. As far as I am concerned it is ready to move to the mainspace. Let me know if you need assistance with that. – ukexpat (talk) 19:24, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Guggenheim Partners

Guggenheim Partners

Nimrodsbabel (talk) 22:59, 25 October 2009 (UTC) Nimrodsbabel 10/25/09

Article looks fine to me. I have removed the unreviewed tag. Gandalf61 (talk) 10:51, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Solgress/Adam_Jones_(Canadian_scholar)

I have created my first article, and want to make sure it is up to snuff before I move it from a subpage. The article is on a well-known academic in the field of Political Science and Comparative Genocide Studies, Dr. Adam Jones: User:Solgress/Adam_Jones_(Canadian_scholar). I have reviewed the criteria for notability, and I think that I am on steady ground here. I'd appreciate any feedback on content and formatting, and I thank you in advance for your assistance.

Solgress (talk) 00:09, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

The article looks fine to me. Here are a couple of suggestions. Wikipedia style is to use lower case in sub-heads, so "Gender and International Relations" should be "Gender and international relations" etc. I would move the "Books" section up so that it appears before "External links". Gandalf61 (talk) 17:05, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

Thank you so much for your assistance, I have made the recommended changes. Solgress (talk) 19:02, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Members of Polish Sejm 1997-2001

Members of the Polish Sejm 1997-2001 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Stevied019/Members_of_Polish_Sejm_1997-2001%26action%3Dedit#References

Stevied019 (talk) 00:12, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

You draft at User:Stevied019/Members of Polish Sejm 1997-2001&action=edit just seems to be a list that duplicates the contents of the category Category:Members of Polish Sejm 1997-2001. I don't see the point in replicating this category in a list. 09:40, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Halloween in the Castro (San Francisco)

I recently started looking at the article, "Halloween in the Castro," about the event in San Francisco's gay district that grew to massive proportions until it was canceled after a shooting in 2006. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween_in_the_Castro

I made some minor edits. It seems to me that there a lot of this article's content should be in other articles – but I'm new to editing and before I engaged in a big rewrite, I thought I'd go to the community for some insight/support. Looking at the article's discussions, I suspect that there are a couple of editors who may resist changes to the article. Andy54321 05:41, 26 October 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Andy54321 (talk • contribs)

Fresh insights should always be welcome - I suggest starting a discussion on the article's talk page. – ukexpat (talk) 19:31, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Culcheth Methodist Church

Article on "Culcheth Methodist Church"in the Village of Culcheth, part of Warrington, Cheshire, England. User:Eionmac/Culcheth Methodist Church.

This is an unusual church in that is is the first church and a modern church building built inside a very old English village, however as the name is duplicated* with a church in Manchester, the article first defines the location.

Is the style acceptable?

How does one put a picture of the bell in to the page? It is the last link in the village from the Norman Conquest family "de Culcheth" who were granted the land at the conquest and became the squires of the village until the family line died out.

Any help appreciated.

--Eionmac (talk) 16:41, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

I have cleaned up the draft a little to comply with the Manual of Style. When it is ready to be moved to the main space, it can be moved to Culcheth Methodist Church. If someone writes an article about the other similarly named church, that article ca be given a disambiguating title. Do you have a picture of of the bell that you have taken yourself? If so, please upload it to Commons and then see WP:IMAGE for assistance adding a link to it in the article. Let me know if you need any more help.  – ukexpat (talk) 19:43, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Jamison International V LLC

Jamison International VLLC

This is my first article I have posted and would like any comments on it. I do work for the company mentioned, but I did not add it for advertisement. The purpose of adding Jamison International to wikipedia was to let the general public know what Jamison International does and what is involved in its process. Any help or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks. Jamisonintl (talk) 21:28, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

The contents and layout of the article are fine. I have removed the unreviewed tag and added a category. However, I have also added a notability tag because the article does not establish the notability of its subject. To do this, it needs to show that Jamison International VLLC is covered in independent reliable sources - links to articles about the company in the press or trade journals, for example, would show notability. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:50, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Molly Sullivan Sliney

Hi, I've written an article on American fencer Molly Sullivan Sliney and would appreciate any feedback or suggestions. This is my first article but I did a lot of research and hopefully have provided enough references and links. Thank you very much! Snaphook (talk) 18:23, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

Looks pretty good - I just cleaned it up a little. – ukexpat (talk) 19:48, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Bapol

Good day, everyone, My first article name is Bapol. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:KZR19/Bapol I posted it on 26 October 2009 at 03:11 with some earlier versions. Most of sources are written in Russian and thats I think can cause some time long for reviewing it. Thank you very much for letting an opportunity to create sth new! Kind regards, Zeinolla my date of post: 27 October 2009 at 18:58 —Preceding unsigned comment added by KZR19 (talk • contribs) 18:57, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

The draft has several problems:
  1. You cannot use other Wikipedia articles as references. If you want links to other articles to appear in the article, enclose the article name in double square brackets, like this, [[article title]].
  2. It reads a little like an advertisement, in violation of WP:SPAM.
  3. You will need to add proper references to reliable sources to establish notability.
Hope this helps. – ukexpat (talk) 19:54, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Alfred E. Smith IV

Hello, all. I've read through the Tutorial and several other helpful starter documents. I've drafted my first article on Alfred E. Smith IV (great-grandson of the former NY Governor, and wellknown businessman and philanthropist). I would appreciate review and comments: User:Dkillo/AESmithIV

Thank you for your time and consideration. Dkillo (talk) 19:46, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

He's simply not notable by our standards, and I've tagged the draft article to reflect that. --Orange Mike | Talk 13:05, 28 October 2009 (UTC)
Thank you for your feedback. I will delve further into the subject to see if I can bring the article more in line to meet the standards for notability. If you could provide more detailed comments, I would be grateful. For example, are my references not considered reliable enough sources? Thank you for your help and patience with this newbie.Dkillo (talk) 21:47, 28 October 2009 (UTC)
The problem is not with your references; the problem is that the guy simply isn't notable. He's the obscure (by planetary standards) descendant of a notable politician; but his notability is shallow, trivial and local. Toastmaster at some notable politician's banquet; president of a local chapter of a notable organization? These are not notability by our standards, on a planet of six billion people, each one as human as he. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:51, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Linda Biggs

Soliciting any input regarding the Linda Biggs article. The focus of the article is to highlight her global contributions to the lowbrow art style and her Native American Indian influence. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 51summerstories (talk • contribs) 17:48, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

I did a little clean up -- it still reads a little like a promo piece, more stuff on influences etc and some more specific references would add much to the article. – ukexpat (talk) 21:33, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] HIstorical Trauma

Just looking for some general feedback on historical trauma that has been posted. I have more stuff to add, but want to make sure formatting is looking good and see if anyone else has opinions.

thanks

75.111.16.12 (talk) 18:00, 28 October 2009 (UTC) Phil 10/28/2009

Format looks okay. I have removed the unreviewed tag. I also removed a section that seemed to contain little or no material that was relevant to the subject of the article. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:07, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Michael Mateas

Michael Mateas is a game designer at UCSC, and his work includes interactive drama Facade (interactive story) and his current project The Party. I'm trying to make sure that his Wiki page is appropriate for the mainspace so that people can understand more about the importance of Facade and his work. Give the article a look and let me know if it's ready for primetime or if it needs a little more work. KenAdamsNSA (talk) 18:56, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

Please take a look at WP:PROF - as I read it, he does not meet the notability tests for academics. – ukexpat (talk) 21:19, 28 October 2009 (UTC)

Really? Because number 5: "The person holds or has held a named/personal chair appointment or "Distinguished Professor" appointment at a major institution of higher education and research," definitely holds true for his current status. That, and the fact that his research at UCSC is helping further game development strategies (including such concepts as rule engines for video games and procedural generation in character development) and I'd say that he definitely qualifies for a Wikipedia page. Even if not for being a professor, but for being a game designer. Facade has gotten a considerable amount of press, despite it being 4-5 years old. Let me see if I can flesh it out a bit and perhaps make it more qualified?--KenAdamsNSA (talk) 00:08, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Scrycer/Sandbox

I wrote a draft for my first article, a page on Jeannette Paulson Hereniko. I would love it if an editor could browse over my page. Just to make sure.

Thank you for your hard work on a thankless task that benefits the entire world.

Scrycer (talk) 05:28, 29 October 2009 (UTC)Scrycer

Hi Scrycer. I have made a number of changes. I note that some sources spell her first name as Jeannette and some as Jeanette and you should nail down which it is (I haven't looked very closely). Some of the sources I just linked would probably make good references for expansion. You have all web references so far and they're not considered the most reliable. I have reformatted them using the template {{cite web}} for ease of use, appearance, consistency and to provide fuller attribution for readers so that they can verify the content. If you do use the book references, you can use {{cite book}} to cite them. Note that I see you have name all the references (<ref name="NAME">). There's no problem with this but just note that you don't need to do this unless you are going to use a reference a second time (the second time, instead of writing out the reference again, you would simply type <ref name="NAME" /> (note the ending /)). When you are ready, simply move the article (do not cut and paste) to the mainspace. Cheers.--Fuhghettaboutit (talk) 12:16, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Mobility as a Service (MaaS)

I am looking forward to feedback/comments/suggestions on my article Mobility as a Service. The article has the unreviewed article tagged on to it. Can the wiki editors please review the article and help me in getting this page 100% live?


Hello OrangeMike! thank you for reviewing the article. You have tagged the article as an

 This article is written like an advertisement. Please help rewrite this article from a neutral point of view. For blatant advertising that would require a fundamental rewrite to become encyclopedic, use {{db-spam}} to mark for speedy deletion.

advertisement. Tagging it as an

 This article is written like an advertisement. Please help rewrite this article from a neutral point of view. For blatant advertising that would require a fundamental rewrite to become encyclopedic, use {{db-spam}} to mark for speedy deletion.

, does it qualify it for a speedy deletion or the message is just a warning.

[edit] National Book Trust of Uganda

hi, I have just posted a new article about the National Book Trust of Uganda. I need help with refining it and making it one of the wikipedia articles. Thank you. 41.222.5.18 (talk) 13:13, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

I have made some minor edits to improve formatting. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:16, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Reviewers needed

I have recently put up an article about the Rothbard Caucus. Reviewers are welcome, especially if you have suggestions on formatting. Ftwrabbits (talk) 18:29, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Thelastfloydian/College Tour

This is a request for feedback regarding an article (User:Thelastfloydian/College Tour) recently created in my user space. Having found no comparable or comprehensive articles already present on Wikipedia in my initial search, I have attempted to create and article on college tours. I feel the content to be relevant and noteworthy and have done my best to research the topic and cite my sources. However, as this is my first article, I would be most grateful of any feedback on how to improve upon it.

Thank you for your time. Thelastfloydian (talk) 18:54, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

I've tried to do a little cleanup, The Last; but it still reads like it was put together as an ad for some of the companies whom you name in the article who do this for a living. --Orange Mike | Talk 19:05, 29 October 2009 (UTC)
Yes, it does sound a lot like a sales pitch. I toned it down, took out flowery language and removed redundancies. I think it sounds more neutral now. Canuck100 (talk) 11:31, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] The Polish Ambassador (Musician)

Hi all - this is my first contribution here at Wiki. I was wondering if the layout is appropriate and also, I've had some difficulty uploading a picture of this artist and the album covers for the discography. Any tips would be appreciated!

The Polish Ambassador (Musician)

David Sugalski, better known as "The Polish Ambassador" is an American electronic musician, remix artist, and DJ of Polish descent. He founded the Indie record label Jumpsuit Records in 2006 (although the name Jumpsuit Records acts only as a placeholder for his music as of 2009.)

He is also known as the Ample Mammal, a electro-music reincarnation of The Polish Ambassador.

History:

Sugalski began releasing music as “The Polish Ambassador” in 2006 with the completion of his first album, “Diplomatic Immunity,” which was released in early 2007.

The Polish Ambassador's music is recognized for containing intelligent and intricate tempos. In person, fans are familiar with “The Polish Ambassador” style by the fact that Sugalski's promotions and performances are done wearing a yellow jumpsuit. Aside from the attire, Sugalski can often be seen carrying a small keyboard with him in obscure locations (an unofficial Polish Ambassador trademark). He is known for using the word “musics” (pl.) instead of “music” – to describe any sample of music, whether referring to one song or entire albums.

Discography:

Diplomatic Immunity – 2007

The Phantasmal Farm (Digital) – 2007

I Found Him Now I Must Kill Him (Digital) - 2008

Background details:

The Polish Ambassador name, sometimes abbreviated as “TPA, ” is a component behind Sugalski’s interest to represent Poland to other life forms; specifically when humans encounter life from another galaxy.

A second handle, called the “Ample Mammal”, is also a Sugalski creation. According to websites such as thesixtyone, the Ample Mammal is a being of excess that creates music that is different from that of The Polish Ambassador. Listeners will recognize the same electronic driven beats between both personas, however, there are unique styles between the two.

Musical Style:

As an electro-musician, Sugalski's albums offer a different feel. The Phantasmal Farm for example, offers a dreamy storyline style laden with electronic driven beats. A majority of these songs are woven with 80’s style sounds, bundled with space-like themes and the occasional video game hook.

Personal life:

Although he is originally from Chicago, Sugalski currently resides in the Berkeley, California area. As of 2009, The Polish Ambassador is beginning to gain momentum in the world of electronic dance, where many users of Pandora Radio and Lastfm.com are picking up on his blend of music.

Every few weeks Sugalski offers “new musics” in the form of free remix downloads through his website, including both single song remixes and dual remixes where one song is created from two separate songs.

Related Websites:

[1] [2] [3]

Justinsalive (talk) 19:45, 29 October 2009 (UTC)Justinsalive, October 30th, 2009.

[edit] User:Nikiandi/Fotonovela

I am writing my first article and would like to get some feedback before it goes live User:Nikiandi/Fotonovela - I appreciate any help that can be given. Nikiandi (talk) 21:37, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

Looks fine to me. Ready to be moved into main article space. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:18, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Tadboy123/EcoSpeed

User:Tadboy123/EcoSpeed I'd like feedback on this article, specifically how this article can be rewritten to make sure it meets noteworthiness standards. Any other suggestions would be very helpful as this is my first article.

Tadboy123 (talk) 21:45, 29 October 2009 (UTC)

To establish notability you need to provide references that show that the company has received significant coverage in independent, reliable sources. Press articles or articles from trade journals would suffice. See our notability policy for more information. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:21, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Nydana8/Benoit Clair

User:Nydana8/Benoit Clair

This is my first contribution to Wikipedia. I could use an expert opinion on it before I post it. Any suggestions about text formatting and mistakes I made in the layout and else, would be very much appreciated. I did find the written help that is available kind of confusing to say the least. I am also not sure abouty how do I go about classification, categorie and subcategorie. This is the English version of the French Wiki article.

Thanks alot!

Nydana8 (talk) 02:23, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:360spark/Polo Hockey

User:360spark/Polo Hockey

This is an article about a sport being played a lot at my school since 2007. I don't know who first came up with, but it is played a lot in elementary scholl gym classes. To make it more fun for High Schooler's, we made it full contact with some rules. As we got more people from our school playing it and getting involve, we had multiple tournaments. It is one of the best sports i have ever played. I want to spread it to other high schoolers so they can see how it is not only an elementary school sport and how much fun it can be. We have pictures from our last tournament which i am going to upload to help show the rules. We also plan to film it in the future and will add links to further show off the sport. 360spark (talk) 15:33, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Wikipedia is not for things made up one day. --Orange Mike | Talk 22:31, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Chateau Morrisette

Chateau Morrisette

(Sfrazier73 (talk) 14:13, 30 October 2009 (UTC))

[edit] Good governance

Could someone look at the article Good governance, I did some work on it a while ago, and I have yet to get any feedback or fixes on it. Please respond on Talk:Good governance. Thanks much, SADADS (talk) 16:59, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Palit

Please check this work. Thanks —Preceding unsigned comment added by 71.165.35.109 (talk) 22:12, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

Assuming you mean the addition of the claim the company was acquired by Palit, it was placed in the reference section, rather than in the body of the article, and it has no reference, so it will be reverted.--SPhilbrickT 20:44, 1 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Aquarian Calendar

I would like to post this on Wikipedia, any feedback is appreciated. I have three references but don't know if they are good enough. Aquarian Calendar - Clock AquarianCalendar ```` Thanks Kelly —Preceding unsigned comment added by BirchRiver (talk • contribs) 23:29, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

If you're talking about User:BirchRiver/Aquarian Calendar, Wikipedia is not for things made up one day. --Orange Mike | Talk 23:49, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Jonas S. Chartock

I am looking for feedback on the article Jonas S. Chartock Thank you. - Brian John Baker —Preceding unsigned comment added by Brianjackbaker (talk • contribs) 17:58, 31 October 2009 (UTC)

Your draft is User:Brianjackbaker/JonasSChartock
  1. Wp:Notability is very important and should be asserted in the opening paragraph. I think that can be done, but it hasn't yet been done.
  2. Your citation style wasn't consistent with desired styles. I've converted your citations to a better style, though questions still remain.
  3. Your first footnote presumably supports the claim he was named Executive Director. I don't see it. Perhaps you linked to the main page, not the page supporting the claim.
  4. Your second footnote is identical to the first; again I don't see support for the claim
  5. The third footnote refers to 64 schools, yet you say "over 65". I confess I read it quickly, but confirm that you claim is supported.
  6. You claim he is on the board of BAP, but the citation doesn't mention his name. I thought perhaps you made the mistake of linking to the main page, rather than the page with the Board members but i don't see his name there.
  7. Your NACSA link doesn't mention Chartock; I've taken the liberty of adding one that does.
  8. The link after The Berkshire Ramblers is to a bank, doesn't seem right so I didn't convert it.--SPhilbrickT 20:39, 1 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Flying Saucer Films

I'm looking for feedback. I've recently edited this page again and added some links.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Julesdylan/Flying_Saucer_Films

Thanks for your help.

Sincerely, Julesdylan (talk) 18:34, 31 October 2009 (UTC)

Please consider looking at the page of another film company, ideally one at the level of Wikipedia:Good articles or Wikipedia:Featured articles, as a model. I don't know enough about the industry to give you a specific suggestion, but if you look at any of the Good or Featured articles, you'll see that the desired layout is very different than your current version.--SPhilbrickT 20:03, 1 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Energetic neutral atom

Energetic neutral atom My first Wikipedia article, this describes a technology developed to create images of the Earth's magnetosphere and the solar system's heliosphere by detecting energetic neutral atoms (ENAs) created when the solar wind interacts with planetary atmospheres or, in the case of the heliosphere, with the local interstellar medium. It is well supported with appropriate citations and links to other Wikipedia articles. My questions:

  • it started of as a small article about energetic neutral atoms and grew to a larger article about the imaging technology. I think the page should be renamed Energetic Neutral Atom Imaging. Can I do this? What are the implications?
  • Is it intelligible to a less technical reader while informing a more technical reader?
  • Is the style neutral but not too dry? Is it interesting/engaging?
  • Are there guidelines for using wikilinks? For example, magnetosphere is used frequently. Should I always wikilink it? Only the first time? The first time in each section?
  • What quality level is it at? I am aiming for GA - how close am I?

This is really quite a novel technology and I hope that the article conveys some enthusiasm while maintaining the appropriate neutral tone. I read some of the guidelines on the Peer Review page and tried to incorporate some of the advice I saw there. But I'm sure there are some Wikipedia "tricks of the trade" that would improve the article. Any other comments would be most welcome. Canuck100 (talk) 08:23, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

This article looks quite good. Although I am interested in the subject, I don't have enough specific knowledge to give you good advice. The is an Astronomy Project; I skimmed the project page to see if there was a specific mechanism to ask for help–if there is one, I missed it. However, there is a long list of editors involved in the project. The simplest thing to do would be to pick one at random, and post a request on their talk page. If you want to do a little homework, you might look at the contributions of some of the participants, and find one with particular interest in your area of interest. For example, someone narrowing interested in cosmology might not be able to help with the particle physics aspects of the article you've started.
I don't have a Good article to my credit yet, so I'm not the right person to ask about the process, but editors at Project quality task force should be able to help.--SPhilbrickT 18:12, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Equality and Diversity Forum

User:Mickakelly/Equality_and_Diversity_Forum

Equality and Diversity Forum

Hello,

I'd appreciate some feedback on this page please.

Thanks in advance,

Mick Kelly 13:54, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

A large part of the text in your draft article seems to have been copied from the Equality and Diversity Forum web site. On the face of it, this appears to be a copyright infringement, which is not allowed in Wikipedia. You should carefuly read our policy on copyright violations, then try rewriting the text in your own words. Gandalf61 (talk) 15:00, 2 November 2009 (UTC)
Busted! Yes, EDF gave me permission to use their copy but I see your point. Thanks. Mick Kelly 09:11, 3 November 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mickakelly (talk • contribs)
You need to go through certain procedures to be able to demonstrate the the copyright owners have actually released their material under the same licenses as Wikipedia - see Wikipedia:Requesting copyright permission. This is a potential minefield, and with text it is usually far quicker and easier to rewrite the text in your own words. Also, if you are connected with the subject of the article (if, for example, you work for them or they have commissioned you to write a Wikipedia article about them) then you also need to read our conflict of interest guideline. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:18, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Joe M. Turner

User:J.orangeblossom/Joe M. Turner

I'm working on an entry about the magician, speaker and author Joe M. Turner. He is linked in another entry on Wikipedia (Genii magazine) but the link goes nowhere so I thought I'd put an article together. I have cited newspapers, magazines, and other editorially-controlled sources, in addition to some online-only references and his own web sites. The words in the article are original and not copied from other sides.

What improvements should I make before making this live? I tried using the wizard and based the structure on other speaker/entertainer biographies that I see online already. I can upload a photo later - I just want to make sure that the article itself conforms to standards.

Thanks for your feedback. J.orangeblossom (talk) 18:39, 2 November 2009 (UTC)


I'm tagging this again as I've seen that some feedback has been given elsewhere since I posted this. I'd like to get a couple of eyeballs on this now to avoid having it taken apart or taken down later for something I could have fixed on the front end.

Thanks for your help! J.orangeblossom (talk) 19:56, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

I'm looking at it now.--SPhilbrickT 23:07, 3 November 2009 (UTC)
In general, looks quite good, especially for someone new to WP.
  1. I have to ask first if you are Joe. Please read WP:COI.
  2. One of the key hurdles to pass is Notability
  3. I see indication this article should pass, but many of the assertions helpful to the case are not referenced. Lack of referencing is one thing that trips up many new editor; I note you have quite a few references, but some of the things that should be referenced are not. For example, appearances on CNN Headline News, Good Morning America and Nightline will go a long way to establishing notability (assuming you aren't the guy in the rope line waving), but we need specifics. A link to Reliable Source showing Joe was the guest will suffice.
  4. It sounds like Genii is a magazine, but when I poke around, it looks like an online forum. Is there a print version? Is it edited?
  5. Appearing at the Magic Castle is quite cool. But begs for a citation.
  6. Your first link is to About.com, which is an excerpt of a longer piece in Gwinnett Business Journal. I'm fairly sure the later would be a better source - any particular reason you wanted the About.com link? Oh, I see, you used the Gwinnett Business Journal as the second citation. That leaves me uncomfortable. I'd have to research the rules, if there are any, but I'd be much happier if you used the second link, so as not to imply there are two distinct citations.
  7. I'm very happy that you named your references–but you didn't use the ideal citation style. I'll convert footnote 2. You can make it easy to do citations by going to "My preferences" (top of the page) then Gadgets, and click the box next to "refTools"
  8. FYI, I'm using the WP:LDR citation style.
  9. "He was named Greater Atlanta Magician of the Year in 2000." Congrats to Joe, but is that the best link available?
  10. "He cites Johnny Carson, Dick Van Dyke, Red Skelton and Victor Borge as additional influences on his style." Reliable source to support this?
  11. "He later wrote and composed the stage musical BankNote$" The citation for this accomplishment is a Class Note page, which generally just prints whatever one sends them. Surely there is note of this in a reliable source?
  12. "He was named to the university Hall of Fame" Which university? When? Needs a citation.
  13. "He is a co-author of the business book Hypergrowth..." Is this a real book?
  14. "the magic book Scripting Magic by Pete McCabe" Is this out yet? At least it looks real.
  15. Despite my longish list, this article is in much better shape than many new attempts. Unfortunately I have to caveat that I didn't list all items which need to be addressed, but if you can nail down Notability, I think this article has promise.--SPhilbrickT 23:58, 3 November 2009 (UTC)


I have added links for Good Morning America and cited some of the other sources, some more reliable than others. Genii is a print magazine that is edited. I've changed the first About.com link so they are not related.

I have video of the CNN appearance but it is not available online except as part of Turner's promotional video. It is easy enough to cite the date, but a live link to that is not possible.

There's no need to link to the actual video, as the assertion isn't about something said in the clip, but merely the existence of the clip. A reference to date and time might be sufficient, but an entry in a schedule would be better. Sorry not to be definitive, but this place has rules for just about everything, and my quick glance didn't identify rules for citing television clips.
If I come up with other thoughts, I'll post on the article talk page.--SPhilbrickT 14:27, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the help. I'll work on the ref styles. J.orangeblossom (talk) 01:42, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

Also note that since CNN is Atlanta-based, a lot of Atlanta folks appear on it, so an appearance on CNN by an Atlantan is not a good indication of notability (heck, my little sister has been on CNN in her role as a sports psychologist; but that doesn't make her notable). --Orange Mike | Talk 16:07, 4 November 2009 (UTC)


Thanks for the assists. An explanation of the CNN appearance's notability will be added to the article. J.orangeblossom (talk) 02:08, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Digicorp Information Systems Pvt Ltd.

[Digicorp Information Systems]

I am in the process of writing about Digicorp Information Systems, and was extremely curious to get feedback on whatever I have written thus far. Please help me out.

Socialwebcatalyst (talk) 20:58, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

What you've written so far would be deleted as an advertisement or as a non-notable service. The best way to write an article is to find reliable sources that discuss the company, and write the article based on the content you can find in those sources. Official websites and such are not reliable sources for this purpose. Someguy1221 (talk) 00:37, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Brenda Jean Patrick

Brenda Jean Patrick Please review this to see if meets your requirements. Although I have been a journalist for many years, this is my first submission to Wikipedia. Thank you.Captaincorgi (talk) 23:25, 2 November 2009 (UTC)Captaincorgi Nov. 2, 2009

Your draft is here. Thanks for starting in userspace, as you haven't yet met some of the minimum requirements; writing in user space helped avoid the chance it will be deleted before you can address the issues.
One of the important requirements for an article is to establish Notability.
Please take a look at WP:Layout. You've provided some references, but they are not formatted the way references should be formatted here (you obviously know how to do references, but there are some special features here to help readers easily access citatios). See Wikipedia:Citing sources for more information. It isn't a requirement to have online references, but if there are some it would help to establish notability.
Claims such as this: "She is a descendant of Robert Morris, who financed the American Revolution and is one of only two people to sign the three significant founding documents of the United States--the Declaration of Independence, the Articles of Confederation, and the U.S. Constitution." require references.--SPhilbrickT 17:55, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Azambaqa/Dr. Muhammad Mazhar Baqa

Hi... I have created this page. Can someone please give me some feedback and what's next. Thank you --Azambaqa (talk) 01:03, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

I see that a number of editors have provided(overwhlemed?) you with suggestions for improvement, so I won't add to the list.--SPhilbrickT 18:42, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Hyogo Performing Arts Center

I've recently created a Wikipedia entry for the Hyogo Performing Arts Center, a performing arts center in Japan. The Wikipedia article briefly describes the venue and its programming.

Joer (talk) 12:15, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

I suggest formatting the References section the same way the External Links section has been formatted. -Stonnman Stonnman (talk) 18:03, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Enterprise Data Recording

Enterprise Data Recording Danicrank (talk) 14:38, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

The article is here User:Danicrank/Enterprise Data Recording(I don't have time to look at it now, maybe someone else can take a look)--SPhilbrickT 00:09, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Gridiron Gang (2006) film

Hey guys, just found that some of the information about Gridiron Gang (2006) ,a film starring Dwayne Johnson, Xzibit, L. Scott Caldwell, and Kevin Dunn, is wrong or perhaps was wrongly copy-pasted from a Tekken Film or something. The error on the article is at the bottom of the page (the Cast list), it states names of fighters of Tekken instead of the names of the movie's characters.

-Here is the link to the page, [[4]] -At the bottom of the page (Cast Section - wrong names)

Sorry I'm not providing the right information to be posted instead, but at least I'm sure that the information there is wrong. Sorry if this is not supossed to be posted in this section, if this is not the section a link to the actual section to post future findings would be nice.

Thanks for your time.

190.155.146.60 (talk) 18:27, 3 November 2009 (UTC)Tuesday 03/11/09 13:21pm GMT -5

If you are fairly sure of yourself, some would give you advice to just make the change yourself. An alternative is to post the information on the talk page, where other, experienced aditors can make the correction. I'll do that for you.--SPhilbrickT 00:06, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Pennsylvania Canal (Delaware Division)

I've made additions w/citations and a couple of corrections to the article stub Pennsylvania Canal (Delaware Division). The purpose is to flesh out the stub and provide a more detailed history of the Canal. Thank you. -- Wellred, 11/3/09 Wellred (talk) 19:06, 3 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for adding nicely written material and especially, references to support the material. Much improved.
However, you were looking for feedback. The layout is now unbalanced. A good layout includes an opening lead, size dependent on the length of the entire article. In this case, a two paragraph lead might be about right. This one has more in the lead than in the remaining sections.
Would it make sense to add a section break after the second paragraph, and call it history? I've only skimmed the article, so I don't want to make the change myself, but take a look at WP:Layout and see if you can identify where a section break would make sense, and what its name should be. Don't hesitate to re-organize material if that helps.--SPhilbrickT 18:36, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Mikhail Chumakov

I have created my first new article User:Komich/Mikhail Chumakov over a week ago. It was not reviewed yet and is still siting on my user page. What should happen next? Will it be approved by somebody and moved to Wikipedia open side? What can I do to make it happen? —Preceding undated comment added 04:48, 4 November 2009 (UTC).

I have reviewed your draft article and made some minor edits. The next stage is to move it into main article space. You can move the article yourself, once your account is autoconfirmed - see Help:Moving a page for instructions. Alternatively, you can ask someone else to move the page by posting a request at Wikipedia:Requested moves. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:12, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Bible Criticism (online resources)

Bible Criticism (online resources)

Hi, I think this is the only article specifically on online bible criticism resources; it should be fairly solid academically (I'm a Bible prof and I ran it by a couple colleagues), but it's still flagged as "unreviewed." Could someone take a quick glance?

many thanks, Pesiqta

Pesiqta (talk) 23:49, 4 November 2009 (UTC)

Nice start, but it does need some work.
First, take a look at WP:Layout and in particular Wikipedia:Lead section
You've provided some nice references, but they are not formatted the way references should be formatted. See Wikipedia:Citing sources for more information.
Many of the claims need a citation. For example - "The first online presentation of Biblical sources is Biblecriticism.com" is hard to believe. It appears to be a 2009 site. I'm sure there are older examples. --SPhilbrickT 16:55, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] A.J. Verel

I run a fan group for some Hall of Fame athletes and just created a page (article) on A.J. Verel. I have never used wikipedia before and need some constructive criticism on the page and how I can make it more visually appealing....


Brion Davis A.J. Verel (talk) 02:12, 5 November 2009 (UTC) 11/4/09 A.J. Verel (talk) 02:12, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

The article has already been deleted; the reasons are listed on your talk page. By the way, I assume you are not A.J. Verel, in which case you'll want to select a different user name. Ask if you have any questions.--SPhilbrickT 18:50, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Jack Paris

My article for wrestling manager Jack Paris is only searchable by that name. I cannot link his real name to be searchable as well. Thanks for any help 148.177.1.211 (talk) 03:27, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

I added a hatnote to Ken Burmeister; does that work for you?--SPhilbrickT 18:48, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Feedback Request for "Steel Abrasives"

Hi,

I have written an informative article about [[Steel Abrasives]. The draft is currently under my user account (Kzerrin (talk) 14:43, 5 November 2009 (UTC)). Before publishing

(1) Can you please give me some feedback about the article and inform me if it is okay to add a producer name for these abrasives?

(2) Can you help me upload a picture since I want to use a photo of an atomization process for steel abrasives and I have the permission of the company to use their photo. Is it okay to put it on wikipedia and what is the process for this?

3) Eventually can you help me move the article?


Thanks in advance for your help!

This is a tough one.
First, I see someone has moved it for you, so if anyone else wants to supply feedback, it is here: Steel abrasives.
My first thought is that the "meat" of the article is fairly thin, so I wondered if it would better if it were part of a wider topic, such as Abrasives. I checked, and there is an article on the broader subject Abrasive. That article has problems itself—it was originally written in 2003 and 2004, when editors were less stringent about requiring references and inline citations.
However, I wonder if it wouldn't be better to use the material you have on steel abrasives to expand and improve the abrasives article. My guess is that isn't your first choice, but I don't see the article as adequate as it stands, so it either needs a fair amount of improvement, or it should be merged into abrasive.
I note that the abrasive article isn't exhaustive, I didn't see any mention of crushed walnut shells as an abrasive. I've used walnut shells to abrade aluminum parts.
The article needs references. I see you have added a list of references, but you need to tie specific statements in the article (e.g. 'The reason is that spherical shots are more resistant to the fracture which happens due to the striking impact") to a page of one of the references. See Wikipedia:Inline citation for more information. If you can tell me the name of the reference and page number, I can show you how to do one as an example.
Regarding the picture, we can help you do that. Please make sure than when the company says you can use the picture, they understand this means release it under a free license, not just release it for use on Wikipedia. See Wikipedia:Images for more information. See Wikipedia:Image copyright tags for acceptable licenses.
T:hat page can be a bit overwhelming; but if the company would accept a Creative Commons license, it would be best to upload on Wikimedia Commons. If we get that far, I can try to help, or find someone with more image experience.--SPhilbrickT 15:54, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
See below and Wikipedia:New contributors' help page#Need feedback for my article "Steel Abrasives". Let's centralise the discussion in one place please. – ukexpat (talk) 16:30, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] TC GIG

TC GIG Markevanskirkpatrick (talk) 20:30, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

That article neither exists currently nor ever existed. Intelligentsium 02:32, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
It's in draft at User:Markevanskirkpatrick/TC GIG. At the moment it is IMHO way too promotional to be moved to the mainspace. – ukexpat (talk) 15:40, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Major revision of Aurora (astronomy)

User talk:Canuck100/Aurora (astronomy) The current Aurora (astronomy)page is very disorganized in the technical aspects of its presentation and contains unreferenced material, some dubious references and some outright incorrect information. One section is clearly speculative and is tagged as such.

I have created a complete revision of these sections and propose to replace the sections entitled Auroral mechanism, Forms and magnetism, Solar wind and the magnetosphere, Frequency of occurrence, Origin, Sources and types and On other planets with my revision found at User talk:Canuck100/Aurora (astronomy). All of my information includes references to credible sources. Because this is a major revision, I would appreciate feedback before I make the change. You can add feedback at my talk page. Canuck100 (talk) 22:24, 5 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Reviewers needed urgently

CAT:AFC is horribly backlogged, with 22 pending submissions. Reviewers, such as those who linger about this page, are needed over there post-haste. Intelligentsium 02:30, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Need feedback for my article "Steel Abrasives"

Hi,

I have written an informative article about Steel Abrasives. The draft is currently under my user account Kzerrin (talk) 12:55, 6 November 2009 (UTC). Before publishing

(1) Can you please give me some feedback about the article and inform me if it is okay to add a producer name for these abrasives?

(2) Can you help me upload a picture since I want to use a photo of an atomization process for steel abrasives and I have the permission of the company to use their photo. Is it okay to put it on wikipedia and what is the process for this?

3) Eventually can you help me move the article?


Thanks very much for your help!

I replied to your crosspost at WP:NCHP, see Wikipedia:New contributors' help page#Need feedback for my article "Steel Abrasives". – ukexpat (talk) 15:43, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
See also above--SPhilbrickT 18:59, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:LenniMFW/My first wheels!

Hi, I've just created a subpage draft and would like to ask for some feedback before posting. Thanks! --LenniMFW (talk) 15:36, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

It's currently at User:LenniMFW/My first wheels!. At the moment it is not ready to be moved to the mainspace. Please take a look at WP:CORP for our guidelines on notability of organisations and WP:RS for our guidelines on reliable sources. – ukexpat (talk) 15:47, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] New Page for the Green Lake Festival of Music

Green Lake Festival of Music

Would like some feedback on page. Especially sources and content.

Thanks!

Glfestival (talk) 15:39, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

User:Glfestival/Green Lake Festival of Music. At the moment it is way too promotional to be moved to the mainspace, please take a look at WP:Spam. It will have to be toned down considerably before it can be moved. – ukexpat (talk) 15:49, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Why was my article deleted?

Hi I am trying to create an article about an award winning super producer/song writer and it was deleted, can someone please help me with this situation? thanks so much

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_H.

Thanks for your help...Amber

—Preceding unsigned comment added by AmberHopeEyre (talk • contribs) 16:57, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

Deleted because it did not indicate the importance or significance of the subject. Please take a look at: WP:BIO, WP:MUSIC, WP:RS and WP:YFA for assistance. – ukexpat (talk) 17:08, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Margaret Holland Sargent

Margaret Holland Sargent

Hello Wikipedia,

I'd like someone to review this article so the "new unreviewed article" template can be removed.

Thanks.

-Stonnman

Stonnman (talk) 17:54, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

I cleaned up some of the formatting and added a couple of maintenance templates - some more references would be good and they should be cited in-line per WP:CITE. Do you have any more details - education (school, college), artistic influences and style? Let us know if you need more help.  – ukexpat (talk) 18:31, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for adding the sections at the bottom. I added two footnotes. While there aren't many articles on the web about Margaret Holland Sargent, it seems clear she is one of the more prominent portraitists in the U.S., having painted two U.S. Presidents. The correct spelling of her last name is "Sargent", not "Sargeant". I hope this helps. Stonnman (talk) 20:04, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Cross-Sell

I am working on a post about Cross-Sell User: Vincs89/Cross-Sell and I would certainly welcome any feedback and suggestions so that I can get it in good shape before moving it from draft to live. Thanks Vincs89 (talk) 20:25, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

The big problem here is notability - please read WP:CORP. You will also need some reliable sources, as defined in WP:RS to support claims of notability - note that the company's website and press releases don't count, you need significant coverage in third party sources. – ukexpat (talk) 20:51, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
Is this a new article, or a revision of the one deleted this morning from User:Cross-Sell/cross-sell as mentioned in #cross-sell above? Certes (talk) 21:41, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
Looks like the same damned thing, pretty much word-for-word. --Orange Mike | Talk 21:53, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
Then I suspect (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion) still applies. I'll inform DGG. Certes (talk) 22:49, 6 November 2009 (UTC)
Yes, it's the same. Vince, I'm holding off deletion to give you a chance to find what is needed, references providing substantial coverage from 3rd party independent published reliable sources, print or online, but not blogs or press releases, or material derived from press releases. The question I have is given that it is endorsed by only a few state association, and provides less than 2,000 report a year, how can it possibly be notable? Somes ourced data on market share would be helpful. DGG ( talk ) 10:05, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Hibla Gerzmava

User:NKuprava/HiblaGerzmava

Hello, this is my very first article on wiki.
I've tried to start writing about one the greatest opera singers alive (that's my opinion at least). Could you please have a look and tell me if it makes a good start of the page.

Thank you very much in advance

Nino
NKuprava (talk) 22:10, 6 November 2009 (UTC)

The draft article is a good start. I have made some minor copyedits. It needs additional references from third-party sources (press articles etc.) to show notability. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:19, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

Thank you. There are a lot of artictles in russian, not so many in english yet ... In december she will be performing in Covent Garden again, i'll add more press after that. NKuprava (talk) 22:52, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

I tweaked it a little more - refined the categories (if you have a subcat, you don't need the parent cat too) etc. – ukexpat (talk) 19:42, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Professor Charles Stuart-Harris

hi

can you please review, and add to this article.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Herbert_Stuart-Harris

i think the creator of the flu vaccine deserves a mention here.

thanks Dr. julian Roberts —Preceding unsigned comment added by Julianrob77 (talk • contribs) 15:30, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

He is almost certainly notable per Wikipedia requirements, but the article needs some cited references to reliable sources to support notability. Also, the text reads like it came from an obituary - has it been copypasted from somewhere else?  – ukexpat (talk) 19:52, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Anne King Gregorie

I just wrote my first Wiki Article. I was going to try and link to a book that Anne King Gregorie wrote.

I plan on writing more information as time goes on.

There is a biography about her that I cite as a source.

I feel that she is a notable figure as she has written fairly extensive historical material about South Carolina and served as editor for the South Carolina Historical Magazine as well as Director of the S C Historical Society.

Future information that I would like to include is her geneological link to who are known as the "Academic Gregories" (David and James Gregor(y)) who were noted astronomers and mathematicians at the University of Edinburgh.

Any advice on how to proceed on writing and linking to other articles regarding that area would be helpful.

Thank you

--Caelidh (talk) 19:26, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

The article Anne King Gregorie needs to provide sources for its biographic facts, and also references to third-party sources to show that its subject is notable. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:29, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] TextBEAST clipboard + image + capture

Hello, I am requesting feedback on my new article TextBEAST clipboard + image + capture about a software application.

Thanks!

VB123 (talk) 00:54, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

The article needs more sources, and specifcially needs references to third-party sources to show the notability of its subject. Gandalf61 (talk) 12:36, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Legal Information Retrieval

Hello all, I've just finished Legal Information Retrieval, my first article. It covers the science of Information Retrieval and it's specific applications and problems to the legal field. If it gets approved, I hope to link it to the plain text mention in Information retrieval applications. Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

188.74.83.20 (talk) 02:30, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

Looks good -- I made a few minor edits as have a few other editors, and it made the DYK section of the main page on 11/9/09 - congratulations! Please make sure that you are signed in when editing - I assume that you are User:Cyprusxr3. Also, please use edit summaries when you make your edits! Thanks. – ukexpat (talk) 20:40, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
Thanks very much for the review Ukexpat. I was indeed at that IP, must have forgotten the log in. I'll also be more careful about edit summaries in the future. Getting posted to the DYK section was very exciting! Thanks again for the help and tips. Cyprusxr3 (talk) 03:12, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Draft article: Obama Conspiracy Theories [the web site] feedback requested

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kwdavids/Obama_Conspiracy_Theories

Thanks, Kevin (talk) 02:59, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] I can not move my article... Please help

Hello, I have created a new page User:Theultravisitor/enjoythezoo But I'm unable to move it, I have seeked much advice and help on making my article up to wiki standards. (Which I believe I have). Thanks for all the help!


Theultravisitor (talk) 03:21, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

It appears it has been nominated for WP:AfD, so I'll let that process take over.--SPhilbrickT 23:01, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Marc Israel

Article name: Marc Israel

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Harvey_lee_songfeld/new_article_name_here#Life

```` —Preceding unsigned comment added by Harvey lee songfeld (talk • contribs) 13:16, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Primer dimer

Hi there, I would love to have your feedback on my (first) new article about Primer dimers, by products in PCR, a common method used in molecular biology. The article will benefit from the treatment of a native english speaker and one who is familiar with wiki style. Thanks in advance :o) Tzachi Bar (talk) 14:49, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

I'm so impressed. Just a few notes: 1)There are no inline citations in nearly the first half of the article. 2)It's not recommended to have a seperate summary section in Wikipedia. 3)The illustration title has a typo mistake, it says: "dimmer". Sole Soul (talk) 18:53, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

hi, thanks for the compliment and the feedback. I fixed the figure and moved the summary to the body of the text. There are no references in the first half of the text mostly because it is based on very old (20-25 years) material which became commmon knowledge for people working in the field. However, if you find on-line references from these years you are welcome to add them.Tzachi Bar (talk) 21:31, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Hassaan Namdar

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ashuhsan1/Hassaan_Namdar:[[Hassaan Namdar] —Preceding unsigned comment added by Ashuhsan1 (talk • contribs) 15:51, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Yaesu_FT-990

Reviews of the new page "Yaesu_FT-990" is requested and appreciated. Thank you. jvarn359 19:00, 8 November 2009 (UTC) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Jvarn359 (talk • contribs)

[edit] The Polyphonics Chorus

The Polyphonics Chorus

My first effort. Hope is Ok

The Polyphonics (talk) 23:39, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

The article needs a lot of work before it is ready for main article space. Here are some suggestions:
  • Read the Manual of Style and the layout guideline to find out the correct layout for a Wikipedia article. In particular, note the standard sections that are required in a Wikipedia article.
  • Add sources for the facts quoted on the article.
  • Add references to independent, third-party sources to show the notability of the article's subject. This is very important.
  • Note that links to external web sites should be moved into references or into an External links section - they should not usually be embedded in the article text. Gandalf61 (talk) 09:37, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] The Little Foundation

Please take a look at The Little Foundation article. It needs reveiewing by someone other than myself - it is a short article so shouldn't take much time. The sources have been verified and fact checked but of course there may be errors and omissions that I have over looked and wiki editing mistakes (my first article) although I have read the tutorials and used a wizard. Thank you for your time.Timfacer (talk) 10:48, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

The article needs more sources, and specifcially needs references to third-party sources to show the notability of its subject. Gandalf61 (talk) 11:46, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Interactive Design Institute

Hi Wiki editors,

I would be really grateful for any feedback on my draft article.

[5]


thanks so much

Emmasinclair (talk) 13:32, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Institute of Plant Genetic

Hello, here is the article I was asked a feedback: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_of_plant_genetic

Thank you for your help.

Cypherinfo (talk) 13:49, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

The facts given in the article need references that link them to the sources from which the facts were taken. In addition, the article needs references to third-party sources to show the notability of its subject. Gandalf61 (talk) 14:12, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] page for Dr. Shashi P. Karna (world's reknowned nano Physicst)

Though still in the making, I thought of creating a wiki page for one of the most top most nano Physicist Dr. Shashi P. Karna. Will appreciate any and all comments about the page.

Few things which I am yet to do:

1. fix the reference, external and internal links (still figuring out how to do that). 2. waiting on to get a list from his fellow student on a)his 500+ papers b)his work cross referenced at 300+ papers including few noble laureates c)latest list of conference and symposiums he chaired 3. upload newer picture

thanks Ishekhar (talk) 15:34, 9 November 2009 (UTC)Indu (redacted email)

Looks like you figured out how to do external references; but you have a few more to do. Someone helped fix the internal references; if you look at the edit history, you'll see how it was done. Good start.--SPhilbrickT 19:30, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Kbaughan1/Hamilton Road Cemetery, Deal, Kent

User:Kbaughan1/Hamilton Road Cemetery, Deal, Kent

Hi,

Just looking for some constructive feedback on how I can improve my article prior to publishing it in its own right? Kbaughan1 (talk) 17:20, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

You've done a lot of work on this article, very nice start. Thnaks for all the references, one of the usual problems with new article is a paucity of references.
  1. My Main suggestion is to take a look at WP:Layout. You've done a decent job of creating relevant sections, but some of the advice in Layout should improve the article. For example, the lead should have one photograpph, pick the most representative one, and anchor it in the upper right.
  2. It is natural to create numbered lists of the graves by section, but the presentation could be better. You should look at Wikipedia:Lists for ways to improve the presentation. I wonder if tables might be a better way? You might look at other article on cemeteries, e.g. Arlington National Cemetery, for ideas.
  3. Your "Sources" section entries should use Wikipedia:Citation templates
  4. The Press Section section doesn't belong there. If used as a reference, it should be converted to a reference. --SPhilbrickT 18:25, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Torben Thoger

Hello, I am Villy Johansen (Username Villyjohan) and have almost an article / biography ready on [Torben Thoger] and would very much like to have some comments on my article. I have put plenty of links to verify the facts, but I did not mention any references yet. Where would it be appropiate to have references? Much of the information - for instance about Torben Thoger's childhood and his interest in spirituality, I have from himself, since I have interviewed him to get it all directly from the main source. How do I put that information in the article? I cannot upload photos and I wonder how I can fill in the contents box, but I guess I will be able to do all that when it has been saved for approval. Of course I have read as much I could about the editing, but this is my first article and I would be very grateful for any help to improve the biography on Torben Thoger. --Villyjohan (talk) 19:43, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

I see two important concerns:
  1. notability
  2. referencing
You should address the first one first, as making proper references is a bit of work, and I don't want to encourage you to do that work if you cannot establish notability.
The link above is the general discussion of notability, for more specific discussion of people in the music business, see WP:Music
It is important to establish notability early. Ideally it is stated in the lead, and supported with references either in the lead or in the first subsequent paragraph. I see you have included links. I didn't check them all, but I checked the first few and didn't see any that would qualify as reliable sources.
You said "Much of the information - for instance about Torben Thoger's childhood and his interest in spirituality, I have from himself, since I have interviewed him to get it all directly from the main source. How do I put that information in the article?" Unfortunately, the short answer is, you cannot. While this answer surprises some people, as first-hand evidence would seem to be the best, it is first-hand to you, and not independently verifiable. Independent verification is a critical aspects of this encyclopedia. Sorry. (If you can arrange for a reputable newspaper to interview you and publish the results, that would be acceptable.)
I see that Thoger has been covered by a newspaper, but I don't believe a scan of a headline will qualify as a verifiable source. Perhaps someone else will weigh in if it is acceptable. It would be much better to identify the date of the publication, so it could be verified.
Finally, this is the second time today I've seen that external link that goes nowhere. Not sure where you got it, but it should be removed.--SPhilbrickT 22:43, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
OK, I now understand why the external link is there—it is a placeholder created by the Article Wizard so you can replace it with your external links if you need any. If you don't plan to have any, just remove that section.--SPhilbrickT 22:48, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Dixon Hughes

Dixon Hughes

Here is a link to my article. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:DHMKTG/Dixon_Hughes

Help/Feedback would be appreciated. Thank you.

DHMKTG (talk) 21:09, 9 November 2009 (UTC)

At the moment it reads like a marketing blurb for the firm and that's in contravention of WP:Spam, so it will have to be rewritten from a more neutral point of view. Also your user name is probably in violation of the user name policy. – ukexpat (talk) 21:39, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] B-Hoody

B-Hoody (LilKray4556 (talk) 00:12, 10 November 2009 (UTC)) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B-Hoody Hello,my name is A.J. Awatt and I created a wikipage for "B-Hoody" and I would like to get some feedback on what I should change on it. Please and thank you!

At present, there are no references in the article, and nothing to indicate why this person is notable. You'll also want to look at WP:BAND. For help adding references, see Wikipedia:Citing sources and Wikipedia:Footnotes--SPhilbrickT 18:34, 10 November 2009 (UTC)
B-Hoody has been speedily deleted as not indicating the importance or significance of the subject. – ukexpat (talk) 21:46, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Article name: XAND

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Levi999/Xand —Preceding unsigned comment added by Levi999 (talk • contribs) 06:30, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

Hello,

I have started a user subpage draft of an article on XAND, a new disease entity. This is a distinct subset of the general galaxy of patients suffering from what is known as "chronic fatique syndrome", a controversial medical topic.

My concern is the notability test of this topic, since there is an existing article on the proposed causative agent,a retrovirus named XMRV. There is also some mention of XMRV on a subpage of the chronic fatigue article.

I would like to gather some thoughts on this prospective article before investing significant time in drafting it. Thanks for your help.Levi999 (talk) 06:23, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] NetDocuments

I created an entry for NetDocuments a few weeks ago. The article still needs to be reviewed and was hoping to get some feedback on it. I have included a number of relevant links and sources to make the article credible.

Thanks,

Dannymjohnson —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dannymjohnson (talk • contribs) 17:20, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

You need to establish why this company is notable. While you have some references , most are PR releases or company produced. If you have third party coverage in WP:RS, I missed it. Please take a look at Wikipedia:Citing sources and Wikipedia:Footnotes to improve the referencing. (But don't waste time on cleaning up references is you cannot satisfy the Notability requirement.)--SPhilbrickT 18:44, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] NAFTA & The 100 Mile Diet: Economic Implications

NAFTA & The 100 Mile Diet: Economic Implications

We created this article for a class project and we would appreciate your feedback in order to complete our project. Thanks. TianaSammy (talk) 19:09, 10 November 2009 (UTC)TianaSammy,November 10th, 2009

I think the use of Wikipedia as a class assignment is a good idea.
I hope, whether this article survives or not, it has been a learning experience, and you will continue to contribute to Wikipedia in other ways.
First, the nitpicks:
  1. The external link is bad. Not sure what you intended.
  2. Good to see referencing, but the referencing style should be improved. Check out WP:Footnotes. If that's confusing, say so, and I'll fix one as an example.
Now, a bit more editorial commentary:
  1. The lead is confusing. It starts out talking about a diet, then jumps to NAFTA, without a clear transition. I wonder if you should talk about NAFTA first - not sure, I just had trouble following the point.
  2. I'm concerned about WP:OR. The diet is notable, the agreement is notable, and it is interesting to discuss the tension between the two, but this smacks of original thought. Normally, original thought is a good thing, not a bad thing, and you are to be commended for that aspect. However, an encyclopedia isn't a place for original thought, it's a place to document the original thoughts of others (crudely, and simplistically stated). You need to show that others have discussed the tension between the globalization concepts of NAFTA and the localization concepts of the diet. (I didn't read every one of your footnotes - if some do make the point, great, but I didn't see it in the article.)
Back to nitpicks: This sentence "Even though Canada could not agree, there was conflict which resulted in a dispute settlement in 1995 ending in Canada’s favor" needs work. Canada couldn't agree to what? (Yes, the answer is in the citation, though not well-written there, but a citation is for support, not explanation.)--SPhilbrickT 21:00, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] UN Slavery Memorial

UN Slavery Memorial

Algarcia85 (talk) 21:29, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

Draft article is at User:Algarcia85/UN Slavery Memorial. – ukexpat (talk) 21:35, 10 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] User:Grizzleemusic/Bill Silva Entertainment

Hi...

My article name is: User:Grizzleemusic/Bill Silva Entertainment . User:Grizzleemusic/Bill Silva Entertainment

I wanted to profile one of my favorite concert promo companies by describing the business based on information that I know firsthand and based on information from their website. Since this is my first post, I'm not sure if I did everything right. Please review this SIMPLE page and let me know if it is ready to publish... Thanks!

...Alex Loucas

Grizzleemusic (talk) 00:11, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Patient Safety and Quality Improvement Act

Patient Safety and Quality Improvement Act

This is my first attempt at starting a new page. Please be gentle! Right now it's sitting in my user space in a sandbox.

It probably would take a while to complete this page. Is it appropriate to put it into wikipedia space before it is completed?

Rsjaffe (talk) 03:58, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] This is a draft for an improvement of an existing article: Hans Scherfig (danish author)

User:Harlekin96/sandbox

What I have done is trying to merge a longer danish article dk:Hans Scherfig with the existing english one about the same subject matter Hans Scherfig.

Simultaneously with translating the danish article I have tried to make the disposition of the resulting combined article more clear using telling sub sections. Harlekin96 (talk) 09:40, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

[edit] Female sexual arousal and orgasm

I have written a draft article with the above title.

I would like to find out whether it would be possible to have it published as a standalone article on Wikipedia.

Kind regards, Jane

Nosper (talk) 10:13, 11 November 2009 (UTC)

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Requests_for_feedback"



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