| # | Title | Directed by | Written by | Original airdate | Prod. code |
| 270–01 | "Treehouse of Horror XII" | Jim Reardon | Joel H. Cohen, John Frink & Don Payne, Carolyn Omine | November 6, 2001 | CABF19 |
| Hex and the City – A gypsy's curse turns Homer into a walking bad luck charm that makes monsters of his family members and kills off his best friends. House of Whacks – Marge buys a HAL-style computer system for the house and picks the Pierce Brosnan personality, who immediately takes a shine to Marge—and attempts to murder Homer. Wiz Kids – A Harry Potter parody where Bart and Lisa go to a school for wizards, and Lord Montemort (Mr. Burns) uses Bart to capture Lisa's magic.
Guest stars: Pierce Brosnan and Matthew Perry |
| 271–02 | "The Parent Rap" | Mark Kirkland | George Meyer & Mike Scully | November 11, 2001 | CABF22 |
Bart gets in trouble for joyriding in a police car, but feels confident he'll be let off the hook by Judge Snyder. However, Snyder goes on vacation before ruling his verdict and gets replaced with a coldhearted judge named Constance Harm who blames Homer for being a negligent father and sentences him and Bart to be tethered together.
Guest stars: Jane Kaczmarek (for the first time) and Jess Harnell |
| 272–03 | "Homer the Moe" | Jen Kamerman | Dana Gould | November 18, 2001 | CABF20 |
A depressed Moe decides to return to bartending school to re-evaluate himself and turns his bar into a trendy nightclub, which does not sit well with his regular customers (Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Barney).
Guest star: R.E.M. |
| 273–04 | "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love" | Lance Kramer | John Swartzwelder | December 2, 2001 | CABF18 |
Homer becomes a fortune cookie writer for a Chinatown restaurant. Meanwhile, Mr. Burns finds one of Homer's fortunes predicting that he will find love before Flag Day is over, and falls for a meter maid—whose ex-boyfriend is resident criminal Snake Jailbird.
Guest stars: Julia Louis-Dreyfus and George Takei |
| 274–05 | "The Blunder Years" | Steven Dean Moore | Ian Maxtone-Graham | December 9, 2001 | CABF21 |
After tricking Marge into thinking an advertising spokesman is coming to visit her, Homer takes Marge and the rest of the family to a restaurant featuring a hypnotist that uses his powers on Homer...and makes Homer remember a horrific childhood incident where Homer found a dead body in a ravine.
Guest stars: Paul Newman and Judith Owen |
| 275–06 | "She of Little Faith" | Steven Dean Moore | Bill Freiberger | December 16, 2001 | DABF02 |
After Homer and Bart's model rocket damages the church, Mr. Burns makes a deal to commercialize the church in return for paying for the damages, which leads Lisa to convert to Buddhism out of disgust, causing Marge to fear for Lisa's soul.
Guest star: Richard Gere |
| 276–07 | "Brawl in the Family" | Matthew Nastuk | Joel H. Cohen | January 6, 2002 | DABF01 |
A social worker is assigned to make the Simpson family functional after they get arrested for fighting over a board game. Meanwhile, Ginger and Amber (the barmaids who married Homer and Flanders while they were drunk) from "Viva Ned Flanders" return to see Flanders and Homer.
Guest star: Delroy Lindo |
| 277–08 | "Sweets and Sour Marge" | Mark Kirkland | Carolyn Omine | January 20, 2002 | DABF03 |
Springfield is officially declared the World's Fattest Town after the townspeople get involved in building a human pyramid and end up rolling onto a truck scale. Out of embarrassment and disgust, Marge goes on a crusade to get sugar banned from Springfield. When the ban passes through, Homer begins bootlegging sugar.
Guest star: Ben Stiller, dedicated to Ron Taylor |
| 278–09 | "Jaws Wired Shut" | Nancy Kruse | Matt Selman | January 27, 2002 | DABF05 |
Homer gets his jaw injured by Drederick Tatum's statue in the park and has it wired shut. While recuperating, Homer becomes a better listener and a more compassionate person, which makes Marge bored once Homer's jaw is healed and he doesn't go back to being crazy and obnoxious.
Guest star: John Kassir |
| 279–10 | "Half-Decent Proposal" | Lauren MacMullan | Tim Long | February 10, 2002 | DABF04 |
To earn money for Homer's snoring problem, Marge agrees to stay with her old prom date, Artie Ziff, for one weekend (on the grounds that he try not to grope her like he did in "The Way We Was"), but when Homer thinks Marge broke her promise, he runs away with Lenny to work on an oil rig.
Guest star: Jon Lovitz |
| 280–11 | "The Bart Wants What It Wants" | Michael Polcino | John Frink & Don Payne | February 17, 2002 | DABF06 |
Bart befriends Rainer Wolfcastle's daughter, Greta, who has a crush on Bart (which Bart doesn't realize). Meanwhile, Principal Skinner tries his hand at stand-up comedy—and gets heckled.
Guest stars: Reese Witherspoon and Wolfgang Puck |
| 281–12 | "The Lastest Gun in the West" | Bob Anderson | John Swartzwelder | February 24, 2002 | DABF07 |
Bart befriends Buck, a former Western film star who stages a comeback on the Krusty the Clown Show after every kid in town becomes interested in the Wild West. However, the comeback flops when Buck begins drinking alcohol and injures Krusty on live TV.
Guest star: Dennis Weaver |
| 282–13 | "The Old Man and the Key" | Lance Kramer | Jon Vitti | March 10, 2002 | DABF09 |
Grampa gets his driver's license back and uses Homer's car to impress a woman at the retirement home, but is ignorant to Homer and Marge's concerns that she is only using him for his car.
Guest stars: Olympia Dukakis and Bill Saluga |
| 283–14 | "Tales from the Public Domain" | Mike B. Anderson | Andrew Kreisberg, Josh Lieb, Matt Warburton | March 17, 2002 | DABF08 |
| When Homer gets a notice from the library that he has a book of classic tales that's years overdue, he finds it on the shelf and reads three stories: The Odyssey (where Homer and his bar buddies try to get home after fighting the Trojans), Joan of Arc (where Lisa leads the French against the British with the help of God), and Hamlet (where Bart tries to kill Moe after Moe kills Homer in order to marry Marge). |
| 284–15 | "Blame It on Lisa" | Steven Dean Moore | Bob Bendetson | March 31, 2002 | DABF10 |
When Homer gets the family's telephone service cut off for refusing to pay for calls made to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Lisa confesses that she was the one who called Rio after befriending an orphan who ended up missing. In response, the Simpsons travel to Brazil to look for him.
Guest star: Mr. Moviefone |
| 285–16 | "Weekend at Burnsie's" | Michael Marcantel | Jon Vitti | April 7, 2002 | DABF11 |
Homer is prescribed medicinal marijuana after getting pecked in the eyes by a murder of crows. While his family and friends worry about the drug altering his personality, Homer becomes Mr. Burns's vice president after cracking up at Burns's antiquated jokes.
Guest star: Phish |
| 286–17 | "Gump Roast" | Mark Kirkland | Deb Lacusta & Dan Castellaneta | April 21, 2002 | DABF12 |
| In this clip show episode, Homer is honored at a Friars' Club Roast which is interrupted by Kang and Kodos. |
| 287–18 | "I Am Furious Yellow" | Chuck Sheetz | John Swartzwelder | April 28, 2002 | DABF13 |
Inspired by a cartoonist who speaks at the school as part of a career day assembly, Bart creates a comic book series based on Homer and his anger problems, which turns into a popular Internet cartoon series. Meanwhile, Stan Lee harasses the Comic Book Guy.
Guest star: Stan Lee |
| 288–19 | "The Sweetest Apu" | Matthew Nastuk | John Swartzwelder | May 5, 2002 | DABF14 |
Homer and Marge discover that Apu is having an affair with the Squishee delivery lady and must keep Manjula from knowing about it, which falls apart when Manjula finds out by watching the security tapes.
Guest star: James Lipton |
| 289–20 | "Little Girl in the Big Ten" | Lauren MacMullan | Jon Vitti | May 12, 2002 | DABF15 |
Lisa tries to fit in with two college students by lying about her age. Meanwhile, Bart is diagnosed with a weakened immune system after getting bitten by a Chinese mosquito and must live in a plastic, germ-free bubble.
Guest star: Robert Pinsky |
| 290–21 | "The Frying Game" | Michael Polcino | John Swartzwelder | May 19, 2002 | DABF16 |
While faced with community service for abusing an endangered animal, Homer, along with Marge are accused of murder after the old woman they are caring for dies.
Guest stars: Carmen Electra and Frances Sternhagen |
| 291–22 | "Papa's Got a Brand New Badge" | Pete Michels | Dana Gould | May 22, 2002 | DABF17 |
| Homer starts a security company with Lenny and Carl after the police are ineffective during a blackout, and eventually Mayor Quimby decides to have them replace the police, which works until they have to deal with Fat Tony. |
